Wednesday, April 05, 2006
haven't been here in a while. Nobody will really read this anymore i don't think. Maybe I'll say what's really on my mind.
Saturday, June 11, 2005
its not often that i find time to write in here. i realized how much time i spend with you when i came home from work today asking myself...well, now what am i going to do? it probably sounds lame but only a day and a half has gone by and already i miss you so much!it does seem healthy since we are used to seeing each other everyday that we should spend some time apart. but i dont like it. i'm going crazy trying to figure out what to do without you. i got my moms car washed and found myself looking at the "thinking of you" cards and the "miss you" cards. one made me laugh that read: "There's only one thing i dont like about you....(open)....your location." it made me giggle and then be sad. sorry this is so lame. mostly, i just miss being with you. and thats all i meant to put.
Wednesday, May 11, 2005
things have changed
i'm one of them - those people that everyone finds so irritating. but i'm happy.
sometimes i question if i am missing out on activities i enjoy, people i enjoy, practice that i need, things that will affect my long term goals...
and then when i am not doing those things i realize i don't care. i don't want to be anywhere but where i am.
and then sometimes i don't think i have my head on straight...
but that's what it's all about i guess...
it's sad to know how many people's opinions about me have changed so much since freshman year...since the beginning of this year. i guess i deserve it.
i'm one of them - those people that everyone finds so irritating. but i'm happy.
sometimes i question if i am missing out on activities i enjoy, people i enjoy, practice that i need, things that will affect my long term goals...
and then when i am not doing those things i realize i don't care. i don't want to be anywhere but where i am.
and then sometimes i don't think i have my head on straight...
but that's what it's all about i guess...
it's sad to know how many people's opinions about me have changed so much since freshman year...since the beginning of this year. i guess i deserve it.
Tuesday, April 26, 2005
HATE: neccessary? no.
When you find out that some people hate you, and you try to be okay with it, you hope to God that more people like you than hate you.
I used to care a lot more what people thought of me. I wanted to be someone that EVERYONE liked. Even if I didn't like someone, I'd want them to like me. As I am about to graduate, I realize how impossible that it.
I hope people realize what they mean when they think they hate someone.
People need to distinguish the difference between hate and other things.
If someone is different, don't HATE them because they are, but agknowledge the fact that people are different because they come from different backgrounds. They believe that what they are doing is natural and normal, because it is what they think is right.
If someone is annoying, don't HATE them because they are, but recognize that your personalities conflict, and that's all there is to it.
If someone is talented, don't HATE them because they are, but rather distinguish the difference between jealousy and envy. Know that you can only make yourself better, and cannot make them worse.
If someone did something to you personally in what seemed a cold hearted manner, don't HATE them, but try to understand why they did it. Maybe ignorance, maybe selfishness, a need for attention, or maybe they didn't even know they were hurting you.
Just thoughts that crossed my mind today...
When you find out that some people hate you, and you try to be okay with it, you hope to God that more people like you than hate you.
I used to care a lot more what people thought of me. I wanted to be someone that EVERYONE liked. Even if I didn't like someone, I'd want them to like me. As I am about to graduate, I realize how impossible that it.
I hope people realize what they mean when they think they hate someone.
People need to distinguish the difference between hate and other things.
If someone is different, don't HATE them because they are, but agknowledge the fact that people are different because they come from different backgrounds. They believe that what they are doing is natural and normal, because it is what they think is right.
If someone is annoying, don't HATE them because they are, but recognize that your personalities conflict, and that's all there is to it.
If someone is talented, don't HATE them because they are, but rather distinguish the difference between jealousy and envy. Know that you can only make yourself better, and cannot make them worse.
If someone did something to you personally in what seemed a cold hearted manner, don't HATE them, but try to understand why they did it. Maybe ignorance, maybe selfishness, a need for attention, or maybe they didn't even know they were hurting you.
Just thoughts that crossed my mind today...
Wednesday, March 30, 2005
Well, I cannot believe how dramatically things have changed in my life. Change can be good or bad i think. In this case, a little of both. Well, a lot of both.
I miss what we were. I thought about it tonight. Actually, a lot. I don't know if an apology is really the right thing to do...i guess i don't have an end to that sentence.
You've changed. Maybe not. But to my eyes a lot of people have. Which i think is more my perception then reality. However, one's perception is their reality, right? I don't understand why you do things, or why you don't do things. I don't understand why you can't understand me. I don't understand why we've all given up.
On the bright side, gosh, i am happy, nervous about what may come, but very happy when i dont think about it. When you see what you've been missing out on, or how wrong you were about a person, it's amazing. I forget all my troubles when we're together. Who could blame me for wanting to be with you?
I miss what we were. I thought about it tonight. Actually, a lot. I don't know if an apology is really the right thing to do...i guess i don't have an end to that sentence.
You've changed. Maybe not. But to my eyes a lot of people have. Which i think is more my perception then reality. However, one's perception is their reality, right? I don't understand why you do things, or why you don't do things. I don't understand why you can't understand me. I don't understand why we've all given up.
On the bright side, gosh, i am happy, nervous about what may come, but very happy when i dont think about it. When you see what you've been missing out on, or how wrong you were about a person, it's amazing. I forget all my troubles when we're together. Who could blame me for wanting to be with you?
Sunday, March 13, 2005
hey anyone.
i am happy.
are you?
i want you to be.
i am happy.
are you?
i want you to be.
Tuesday, March 01, 2005
i am eighteen.
Wednesday, February 02, 2005
it's amazing how i keep going to bed later and later for absolutely no reason at all.
Monday, January 31, 2005
does this mean...?
i will try my best to make everything perfect with everyone but we all know that is not possible. however, things are looking more positive. i love my friends more than anything, and i really would do anything for them.
i never felt i had some void, because my friends were always there for me. i use to feel lucky that i didn't feel that emptiness and sorry for those that think in order to be happy they must have someone (usually of the opposite sex if you know what i mean). but now i feel i have a little add on, instead of filling up a hole. i hope that sounds close to what it really means to me.
i will try my best to make everything perfect with everyone but we all know that is not possible. however, things are looking more positive. i love my friends more than anything, and i really would do anything for them.
i never felt i had some void, because my friends were always there for me. i use to feel lucky that i didn't feel that emptiness and sorry for those that think in order to be happy they must have someone (usually of the opposite sex if you know what i mean). but now i feel i have a little add on, instead of filling up a hole. i hope that sounds close to what it really means to me.
Thursday, January 27, 2005
things are going fine...
school - took some tests, getting the expected grade
boys- very well, more happy than i thought i could be
friends - i've learned that i, too, can fall into a trap. i haven't been a very good friend at all recently, and to those affected, i am sorry.
school - took some tests, getting the expected grade
boys- very well, more happy than i thought i could be
friends - i've learned that i, too, can fall into a trap. i haven't been a very good friend at all recently, and to those affected, i am sorry.
Tuesday, January 25, 2005
sorry...for everything
hopefully things will be better for us now.
sorry to you too.
hopefully things will be better for us now.
sorry to you too.
Tuesday, January 18, 2005
am i a hypocrite?
or am i changing with paths that just happen to be crossing?
does anyone care?
answer: yes, they just aren't reading this =).
no seriously, it's like i'm not stopping myself from something i don't particularly want. that is not like me.
maybe you are mad, or annoyed, or just don't care - i can't figure it out.
or am i changing with paths that just happen to be crossing?
does anyone care?
answer: yes, they just aren't reading this =).
no seriously, it's like i'm not stopping myself from something i don't particularly want. that is not like me.
maybe you are mad, or annoyed, or just don't care - i can't figure it out.
Tuesday, January 11, 2005
no no no no no.
sorry.
no.
why not? i will tell you why not...
hm.
sorry.
no.
why not? i will tell you why not...
hm.
Monday, January 10, 2005
you make me sing britney spears...
i don't know what i am getting myself into. it's like something finally clicked.
damnit-it's like all of my theories are being thrown out the window one by one.
i don't know what i am getting myself into. it's like something finally clicked.
damnit-it's like all of my theories are being thrown out the window one by one.
Sunday, January 09, 2005
it's amazing how at the wrong place and at the wrong time, everything can feel so right.
Tuesday, January 04, 2005
by now you should of somehow realized what you gotta do
i dont believe that anybody feels the way i do about you now
there are many things that i would like to say to you but i dont know how
cuz maybe you're gonna be the one that saves me
and afterall, you're my wonderwall.
what is a wonderwall? oh well, i like that song.
i dont believe that anybody feels the way i do about you now
there are many things that i would like to say to you but i dont know how
cuz maybe you're gonna be the one that saves me
and afterall, you're my wonderwall.
what is a wonderwall? oh well, i like that song.
Sunday, January 02, 2005
END OF SENIOR WINTER BREAK POEM
Alright.
everything's fine. everything's cool.
but damnit i dont want to go back to school.
yeah hopefully i won't screw things up
keep my 4.0 and drink out of a cup.
i wont act weird, i wont act crazy
just as long as you dont call me baby.
so it's 2005, that's insane!
everything probably won't be the same.
last semester of high school, wow,
hopefully it will go by like "POW!"
maybe i will get some hawt dates
ha, just like maybe i wont procrastinate.
my new years resolution, what shall it be?
be healthier, work out, yeah that's all me!
wow i cant believe i am rhyming like this
well i have to go take a piss.
i really dont, i just needed a rhyme
i never say that, except this time -
i really do have to go
i'm at work and it's really slow.
i hope everyone had a good winter break
i hope this didn't give you a head ache.
that was a good one, doncha think?
well comment if you want, and leave your link.
even though they're over,
happy holidays to everyone.
(my birthday is feb 28, the next most important)
okay, i'm done
Alright.
everything's fine. everything's cool.
but damnit i dont want to go back to school.
yeah hopefully i won't screw things up
keep my 4.0 and drink out of a cup.
i wont act weird, i wont act crazy
just as long as you dont call me baby.
so it's 2005, that's insane!
everything probably won't be the same.
last semester of high school, wow,
hopefully it will go by like "POW!"
maybe i will get some hawt dates
ha, just like maybe i wont procrastinate.
my new years resolution, what shall it be?
be healthier, work out, yeah that's all me!
wow i cant believe i am rhyming like this
well i have to go take a piss.
i really dont, i just needed a rhyme
i never say that, except this time -
i really do have to go
i'm at work and it's really slow.
i hope everyone had a good winter break
i hope this didn't give you a head ache.
that was a good one, doncha think?
well comment if you want, and leave your link.
even though they're over,
happy holidays to everyone.
(my birthday is feb 28, the next most important)
okay, i'm done
Thursday, December 30, 2004
sorry this will be a typical depressing update.
my stomach hurts. i think it's not so much a bug, or cramps, but my thoughts that are making me sick. Sometimes i look at myself from the outside and think, "what the hell am i doing?". How could i be so selfish, or inconsiderate? (i dont know if thats how you spell it) i would say that it's just a phase - but the pain i could eventually cause other people wouldn't just fade, so i have to find some way to deal with everything. i'll take it a day at a time i guess.
i miss daniel already.
my stomach hurts. i think it's not so much a bug, or cramps, but my thoughts that are making me sick. Sometimes i look at myself from the outside and think, "what the hell am i doing?". How could i be so selfish, or inconsiderate? (i dont know if thats how you spell it) i would say that it's just a phase - but the pain i could eventually cause other people wouldn't just fade, so i have to find some way to deal with everything. i'll take it a day at a time i guess.
i miss daniel already.
Sunday, December 26, 2004
What's the point of thanking anyone here if they won't see it? oh well. =)
THANK YOU TO MY FRIENDS AND FAMILY FOR A WONDERFUL CHRISTMAS!!
Special thanks to:
- Daniel - Your gift is awesome and so nice~ i love it!
- Christie - I'm so excited for the game, thanks!
- Grace - For the awesome mix that you made me that i didnt even know you did and i FOUND it in christie's room and had to pry it out of her dead lifeless grip.
- Justin (and Katie) - For letting us stay at your house for our ski trip. and j - for talking with me.
- Vicky - for hanging out with us and talking to me while we were at justins
- Also, i wanted to thank anyone who text messaged me saying "merry christmas." that was very nice (chasity), i would have done the same to everyone that i wanted to say merry christmas to, but i'm already over my limit, so i just responded to anyone who did.
- People that i didnt talk to that i wanted to wish a merry christmas:
Felicia, Alicia, Shanda, Sheila, Ashley, Erin K, Ben, Elias, Morgan, Andy, and probably a lot more.
Okay, i hope that people get really bored and somehow come across this. BYE!
THANK YOU TO MY FRIENDS AND FAMILY FOR A WONDERFUL CHRISTMAS!!
Special thanks to:
- Daniel - Your gift is awesome and so nice~ i love it!
- Christie - I'm so excited for the game, thanks!
- Grace - For the awesome mix that you made me that i didnt even know you did and i FOUND it in christie's room and had to pry it out of her dead lifeless grip.
- Justin (and Katie) - For letting us stay at your house for our ski trip. and j - for talking with me.
- Vicky - for hanging out with us and talking to me while we were at justins
- Also, i wanted to thank anyone who text messaged me saying "merry christmas." that was very nice (chasity), i would have done the same to everyone that i wanted to say merry christmas to, but i'm already over my limit, so i just responded to anyone who did.
- People that i didnt talk to that i wanted to wish a merry christmas:
Felicia, Alicia, Shanda, Sheila, Ashley, Erin K, Ben, Elias, Morgan, Andy, and probably a lot more.
Okay, i hope that people get really bored and somehow come across this. BYE!
Saturday, December 25, 2004
MERRY CHRISTMAS!
whether you believe that we celebrate christmas because Jesus was born, or so that we can buy gifts, today- SPREAD THE LOVE!
whether you believe that we celebrate christmas because Jesus was born, or so that we can buy gifts, today- SPREAD THE LOVE!
Thursday, December 23, 2004
what can i say to excite my oh-so-many readers?
Are you ever in a situation, just a regular one, even a daily one, that you suddenly become extremely annoyed with? For instance, if you are a partier, and then you go to a big party, and think- "what is the point of this?! Why do these people do this? This is not fun. This is not what i saw myself doing, etc, etc" (that is not my situation, but it is a good analogy)
sometimes, i don't like you. sometimes you make me so angry, and i cant say anything! Other times, i know that i couldn't live without you. Sometimes, i don't think you see the last part. sometimes, i dont think you care at all about me. what am i to you? really, nothing.
Are you ever in a situation, just a regular one, even a daily one, that you suddenly become extremely annoyed with? For instance, if you are a partier, and then you go to a big party, and think- "what is the point of this?! Why do these people do this? This is not fun. This is not what i saw myself doing, etc, etc" (that is not my situation, but it is a good analogy)
sometimes, i don't like you. sometimes you make me so angry, and i cant say anything! Other times, i know that i couldn't live without you. Sometimes, i don't think you see the last part. sometimes, i dont think you care at all about me. what am i to you? really, nothing.
Sunday, December 19, 2004
LEAH, LEAH, LEAH.
Do you ever just want to smack yourself and say, "WHAT ARE YOU DOING?"
It's like I have these little arguements in my head, and I don't know which side is the little devil and which side is the little angel, because one option can seem so right and so wrong at the same time.
Do you ever just want to smack yourself and say, "WHAT ARE YOU DOING?"
It's like I have these little arguements in my head, and I don't know which side is the little devil and which side is the little angel, because one option can seem so right and so wrong at the same time.
Monday, December 13, 2004
"i don't like black people, because they are annoying."
this inspired me to write an essay in order to get into the honors college at asu.
i wish he could have been around to hear this quote...
"Nothing in the world is more dangerous than sincere ignorance and conscientious stupidity." -mlkj
Anyway, I've decided...dating...there's no point. There really is no point of persuing anyone. Hooking up? No point. It's a matter of selfishness. There's also no point in studying for AP Gov now that there's no possible way for me to get an A. And I don't want to study for math or english either. What's the point? Senioritis i believe. Thank you to those who let me talk to them about my stupid theories or discoveries about myself.
this inspired me to write an essay in order to get into the honors college at asu.
i wish he could have been around to hear this quote...
"Nothing in the world is more dangerous than sincere ignorance and conscientious stupidity." -mlkj
Anyway, I've decided...dating...there's no point. There really is no point of persuing anyone. Hooking up? No point. It's a matter of selfishness. There's also no point in studying for AP Gov now that there's no possible way for me to get an A. And I don't want to study for math or english either. What's the point? Senioritis i believe. Thank you to those who let me talk to them about my stupid theories or discoveries about myself.
Sunday, December 12, 2004
what is a date????
so, I'm really confused on what exactly it is that people consider a "date." if one pays for the other is it a date? if one asked the other out in a certain way is it a date? if you kiss is it a date? comments please!
so, I'm really confused on what exactly it is that people consider a "date." if one pays for the other is it a date? if one asked the other out in a certain way is it a date? if you kiss is it a date? comments please!
Thursday, December 09, 2004
Hey! Thanks to everyone that came to my choir concert!
Please, God, or someone, help me do good on my gov test tomorrow!
Please, God, or someone, help me do good on my gov test tomorrow!
Thursday, December 02, 2004
EVERYONE GO SEE MATT WERTZ TUESDAY NIGHT AT THE RHYTHM ROOM! REALLY GOOD MUSIC! BE LIKE NIKE...JUST DO IT!
(for me?) =)
(for me?) =)
do you ever try reallllly hard not to let something bother you, because you know that it shouldn't? but then it still does and you dont know why? yeah man, i hate that.
Monday, November 29, 2004
"it's not the boy problem, leah, it's the YOU problem."
It made me kinda sad when i heard it, but then i realized it was completely true. I think there is something wrong with me. I have great opportunities, great guys, and i just don't seem to care. It doesn't seem like a kiss is that meaningful anymore. I've become like Meursault in "The Stranger," in a sense, because I don't really get emotionally attached. It's sad because guys that actually really do care, i take for granted. Annnnd every kiss that i think could have been meaningful, really ended up not being meaningful, for whatever reason. So what's the point to expect something? Or try...maybe if i close my eyes a little harder...pch. whatev. peace out.
i don't really think anyone reads this anymore, becuase i rarely update and spell becuase wrong practically every time, but anyway, thanks to anyone that does.
peace out- double time.
It made me kinda sad when i heard it, but then i realized it was completely true. I think there is something wrong with me. I have great opportunities, great guys, and i just don't seem to care. It doesn't seem like a kiss is that meaningful anymore. I've become like Meursault in "The Stranger," in a sense, because I don't really get emotionally attached. It's sad because guys that actually really do care, i take for granted. Annnnd every kiss that i think could have been meaningful, really ended up not being meaningful, for whatever reason. So what's the point to expect something? Or try...maybe if i close my eyes a little harder...pch. whatev. peace out.
i don't really think anyone reads this anymore, becuase i rarely update and spell becuase wrong practically every time, but anyway, thanks to anyone that does.
peace out- double time.
Thursday, November 25, 2004
WHAT ARE YOU THANKFUL FOR?
I am thankful for YOU! and happiness, and love, and music, friends and family, and health, and freedom, and FOOD!!! I will admit, however, that i do usually take these amazing things that i am thankful for, for granted. That is why i love thanksgiving (2nd to the food). no specific religion celebrates it, everyone does!
What are you thankful for?
I am thankful for YOU! and happiness, and love, and music, friends and family, and health, and freedom, and FOOD!!! I will admit, however, that i do usually take these amazing things that i am thankful for, for granted. That is why i love thanksgiving (2nd to the food). no specific religion celebrates it, everyone does!
What are you thankful for?
Tuesday, November 23, 2004
heyyyyyyyyyyy all you sad sad people , i said HEY!
hey all you sad sad faces, LISTEN UP!!
baby baby baby baby!
there's no need to worry now!!!
so sing! and live it up!
and dance! kick it up!!!
we don't need anyone to bring us down!
so sing even if you can't
dance like no one's watching
live like you want to live...
but for me...kick it up!
hey all you sad sad faces, LISTEN UP!!
baby baby baby baby!
there's no need to worry now!!!
so sing! and live it up!
and dance! kick it up!!!
we don't need anyone to bring us down!
so sing even if you can't
dance like no one's watching
live like you want to live...
but for me...kick it up!
Thursday, November 18, 2004
Sometimes my mind is too strong to carry on. When I am alone, when I’ve thrown off the weight of this crazy stone, when I’ve lost all care for the things I own, that’s when I miss you, that’s when I miss you, that’s when I miss you - you are my home.
(i love that song)
Come see The Yellow Boat. It is sad, and good.
tbird's auditorium 7 pm. thurs-sat.
(i love that song)
Come see The Yellow Boat. It is sad, and good.
tbird's auditorium 7 pm. thurs-sat.
Monday, November 15, 2004
the poem in my last update was written for my great grandmother, who died a year ago. The last few years of her life, when i visited her- which was rarely- i'd say "i love you" and she'd say "No, you don't, you don't even know me." And i thought, wow, i could probably say that to a lot of people too.
Then i realized it could have been the Alzheimer's talking, and she, actually, didn't really remember who i was.
Then i realized it could have been the Alzheimer's talking, and she, actually, didn't really remember who i was.
Friday, November 12, 2004
In Memory:
paper thin are the soul and skin-
and the lifeless fingers won't respond to my grip,
But the nails are prettier than my own.
And the two drops form one tear
as the cheeks touch.
The cheeks, soft and beautiful,
and rosy like the nails.
I can feel my heart beat in my stomach
I can feel it, sinking.
Listening to explanation after another,
listening to the staggered breathing-
the only proof of life.
Tubes, nicknames, and memories fill the room.
I love you. I do.
(if you hear me)
goodnight for now.
goodbye...for now-
you can let go of the thread that holds you
goodnight and goodbye for now.
paper thin are the soul and skin-
and the lifeless fingers won't respond to my grip,
But the nails are prettier than my own.
And the two drops form one tear
as the cheeks touch.
The cheeks, soft and beautiful,
and rosy like the nails.
I can feel my heart beat in my stomach
I can feel it, sinking.
Listening to explanation after another,
listening to the staggered breathing-
the only proof of life.
Tubes, nicknames, and memories fill the room.
I love you. I do.
(if you hear me)
goodnight for now.
goodbye...for now-
you can let go of the thread that holds you
goodnight and goodbye for now.
Thursday, November 11, 2004
The greatest feeling in the world:
laughing! laughing until you cry! laughing until your stomach hurts so that you don't have to do your "daily" ab workout. man, funny things are fun, maybe thats why they are similar words. =)
laughing! laughing until you cry! laughing until your stomach hurts so that you don't have to do your "daily" ab workout. man, funny things are fun, maybe thats why they are similar words. =)
Wednesday, November 10, 2004
I had a vondeful time this evening. I like happy times.
I received a letter from ASU - FINALLY! And I was awarded the "Presidential Scholarship" !!!! Woohoo~!!!!! That's $6,500 a year!! I finally feel satisfied, like my hard work has finally paid off!!
halleluia! halleluia! (actual spelling-unknown)
I received a letter from ASU - FINALLY! And I was awarded the "Presidential Scholarship" !!!! Woohoo~!!!!! That's $6,500 a year!! I finally feel satisfied, like my hard work has finally paid off!!
halleluia! halleluia! (actual spelling-unknown)
Sunday, November 07, 2004
yeah yeah yeah
i am going to be a happier person, in general, I hope. This doesn't mean I can't cry, or get frustrated, or annoyed, or annoy people(which makes me really annoyed), or feel grumpy, or anything. But in general, I am hoping to do all those things a little bit less. Well a lot less. Okay, thanks.
Plus I need to write uplifting music. And not about the intangible, stupid, pointless, (etc etc) topic of love, but of life in general. Okay, thanks.
i am going to be a happier person, in general, I hope. This doesn't mean I can't cry, or get frustrated, or annoyed, or annoy people(which makes me really annoyed), or feel grumpy, or anything. But in general, I am hoping to do all those things a little bit less. Well a lot less. Okay, thanks.
Plus I need to write uplifting music. And not about the intangible, stupid, pointless, (etc etc) topic of love, but of life in general. Okay, thanks.
Saturday, November 06, 2004
i think i'm kinda tired.
kinda bored.
kinda waiting for something,
but i don't know what.
i think i'm pretty much...lazy.
pretty annoying-
at least i think to some people,
and i do not like that.
my head sort of hurts
i sort of want someone
(a sort of "special someone")
but we all know that won't happen.
i think i kinda sort of pretty much want you, maybe.
kinda bored.
kinda waiting for something,
but i don't know what.
i think i'm pretty much...lazy.
pretty annoying-
at least i think to some people,
and i do not like that.
my head sort of hurts
i sort of want someone
(a sort of "special someone")
but we all know that won't happen.
i think i kinda sort of pretty much want you, maybe.
Thursday, November 04, 2004
i learned...
YOu are aS DiffeRent to otHerS as theY arE to yOu.
Words are WEIGHT.
YOu are aS DiffeRent to otHerS as theY arE to yOu.
Words are WEIGHT.
Wednesday, November 03, 2004
lyric.
a short poem expressing the thoughts and feelings of a single speaker.
we learned that in english.
lately when i am listening to songs, songs that i've heard many times before, the lyrics really stick out (more than usual). I remember them and think, i want to write that down, maybe in my journal, but then i pretty much forget them when it comes to updating this. sorry.
my point is: i wish i could write lyrics better. Because I've had so many weird feelings, or lack of feelings, or something, and everytime i feel a certain way i wish i could write it down. Words flow through my head, and i know exactly what i want to say. A few minutes later i sit down to write and it's gone. My second point is: some genious needs to invent a way to record one's own thoughts. yes. that will help. okay. bye.
a short poem expressing the thoughts and feelings of a single speaker.
we learned that in english.
lately when i am listening to songs, songs that i've heard many times before, the lyrics really stick out (more than usual). I remember them and think, i want to write that down, maybe in my journal, but then i pretty much forget them when it comes to updating this. sorry.
my point is: i wish i could write lyrics better. Because I've had so many weird feelings, or lack of feelings, or something, and everytime i feel a certain way i wish i could write it down. Words flow through my head, and i know exactly what i want to say. A few minutes later i sit down to write and it's gone. My second point is: some genious needs to invent a way to record one's own thoughts. yes. that will help. okay. bye.
Monday, November 01, 2004
good game?
no...
good season.
weird huh?
my last season of volleyball. this brings up last pole talk. and last vball banquet. and last a lot of highschool things. weird huh?
hopefully senior year will be a lot of lasts. but also hopefully not.
no...
good season.
weird huh?
my last season of volleyball. this brings up last pole talk. and last vball banquet. and last a lot of highschool things. weird huh?
hopefully senior year will be a lot of lasts. but also hopefully not.
Sunday, October 31, 2004
ahhh!
what is wrong with me?
i get mad at someone for what i think is treating me like crap when i am doing the same to so many others!! why do we play with people's emotions!?
what does it even matter!
someone should make me feel like an idiot when i am one i guess!
i am so ignorantly selfish!
can you be that? if you can that is what i am.
oh my gosh! what a horrible person!
i am nearly yelling at someone for their mistakes and not even considering the mistakes i've made and how they made people feel etc etc.
i'm sorry.
to you and you and you and you and so many more.
what is wrong with me?
i get mad at someone for what i think is treating me like crap when i am doing the same to so many others!! why do we play with people's emotions!?
what does it even matter!
someone should make me feel like an idiot when i am one i guess!
i am so ignorantly selfish!
can you be that? if you can that is what i am.
oh my gosh! what a horrible person!
i am nearly yelling at someone for their mistakes and not even considering the mistakes i've made and how they made people feel etc etc.
i'm sorry.
to you and you and you and you and so many more.
Thursday, October 28, 2004
i don't like when you get to choose everyday how close our friendship is. my arms are always open.
i want to get there
i want to be that
i want to do that
note: INSPIRATION NEEDED
i want to get there
i want to be that
i want to do that
note: INSPIRATION NEEDED
Wednesday, October 27, 2004
The Feet, mechanical, go round-
who needs to know about "public policy" anyway (well, me if i want to pass ap gov)
"but you've already had a cookie today"
who says that a person cannot have more than one cookie in a day? if cookies make you happy, geez la weez, eat as many as you want.
jealousy is a stupid thing. why should i get jealous over something that someone has that i do not even want? what a stupid thing.
who needs to know about "public policy" anyway (well, me if i want to pass ap gov)
"but you've already had a cookie today"
who says that a person cannot have more than one cookie in a day? if cookies make you happy, geez la weez, eat as many as you want.
jealousy is a stupid thing. why should i get jealous over something that someone has that i do not even want? what a stupid thing.
Monday, October 25, 2004
"Post a memory of me.It can be anything you want, just so long as it happened."
i took that from daniel's journal, but i'd also like to see if anyone even reads this, or has memories of me.
thanks.
i took that from daniel's journal, but i'd also like to see if anyone even reads this, or has memories of me.
thanks.
Sunday, October 24, 2004
I could use a fresh beginning too,
all of my regrets are nothing new
this is a way, that i say, i need you
all of my regrets are nothing new
this is a way, that i say, i need you
Wednesday, October 20, 2004
DE
ta
ch
ed
i'm like james joyce with no pen.
i miss daniel.
ta
ch
ed
i'm like james joyce with no pen.
i miss daniel.
Sunday, October 17, 2004
fall break....gone.
all in all....good.
i am so pathetic. i get so scared after watching scary movies. i make people talk to me on the phone while i'm driving (sorry) and am a bad driver becuase i keep turning around to look in my back seat to make sure no one is there. I made my sister sit in the bathroom while i took a shower because there was a scene in that movie in the bathtub. (yes-he nearly died.) why do i let stupid things affect me? and now...i cant remember how it ended becuase i watched the dvd with the FOUR alternate endings. geez. i think it was bad.
how was your fall break everyone?(or anyone seeing as how i've gotten NO comments on my last few posts)
do you care at all...
nothing's changed.
all in all....good.
i am so pathetic. i get so scared after watching scary movies. i make people talk to me on the phone while i'm driving (sorry) and am a bad driver becuase i keep turning around to look in my back seat to make sure no one is there. I made my sister sit in the bathroom while i took a shower because there was a scene in that movie in the bathtub. (yes-he nearly died.) why do i let stupid things affect me? and now...i cant remember how it ended becuase i watched the dvd with the FOUR alternate endings. geez. i think it was bad.
how was your fall break everyone?(or anyone seeing as how i've gotten NO comments on my last few posts)
do you care at all...
nothing's changed.
Thursday, October 14, 2004
i know...what were you thinking!?...
canada was amazing! i learned about looneys and tooneys and timbits and milk in plastic bags. the weather and scenery were equally beautiful!
canada was amazing! i learned about looneys and tooneys and timbits and milk in plastic bags. the weather and scenery were equally beautiful!
Monday, October 11, 2004
Happy Belated Birthday Chasity.
oh well.
dont speak, i know what youre thinkin.
or at least i think i do.
CANADA IS AWESOME!!!
we need tim hortons and timbits in arizona!
oh well.
dont speak, i know what youre thinkin.
or at least i think i do.
CANADA IS AWESOME!!!
we need tim hortons and timbits in arizona!
Sunday, October 03, 2004
LIFE
What's it all about to you?
- is it all about looking good, or feeling good about yourself?
- is it all about the sport you play?
- is it all about being different and unique?
- is it all about the money, or your job?
- is it all about family and friends?
- is it all about pain?
- is it all about him, or her?
- is it all about religion, or God?
- is it all about music, playing, or singing?
- is it all about happiness?
- is it all about being or feeling accepted?
- is it all about eating, or is it about health?
- is it all about sex?
- is it all about education?
- is it all about being on top?
- is it all about helping people?
- is it all about love?
If you had to pick three of these, which would you choose?
Life's what you make it.
What's it all about to you?
- is it all about looking good, or feeling good about yourself?
- is it all about the sport you play?
- is it all about being different and unique?
- is it all about the money, or your job?
- is it all about family and friends?
- is it all about pain?
- is it all about him, or her?
- is it all about religion, or God?
- is it all about music, playing, or singing?
- is it all about happiness?
- is it all about being or feeling accepted?
- is it all about eating, or is it about health?
- is it all about sex?
- is it all about education?
- is it all about being on top?
- is it all about helping people?
- is it all about love?
If you had to pick three of these, which would you choose?
Life's what you make it.
Friday, September 24, 2004
COLLEGE
no seriously...where should i go?
i cannot make up my mind...even about what colleges i am interested in! geez!
ones i've looked in to:
ASU- good: mill ave. familiar, close to home sister and friends, recording studio nearby, 2nd best programs im interested in, for instate, could get free tuition
bad: too close and big, not much of a change in atmosphere, no sense of uniqueness or independence, distractions
U of A: good: best programs for me, really cool vocal ensemble im interested in, big, but not as spread out as asu, some sense of independence- 2 hours, could get full tuition
bad: the town, i've always hated u of a and cheered for asu, seems like the same thing as phx but two hours away
NAU:good: weather!!! ooh soo nice, change of atmosphere, a little more independence, could get full tuition
bad: programs- blah! too small
USD:good: weather, location, independence, change, programs, could get vocal scholarship (not very much though)
bad: so expensive, snotty people, too small
I havent really looked anywhere else, i might look in Toronto, canada when i go visit my voice teacher. If anyone has any comments on any of the schools good or bad things! or know of a school that is not too big but not small, has good programs in math and music (voice), and has seperate ensembles, and intermural sports, and different weather from here and atmosphere, and a good college town but not too distracting, and not too expensive or offers plenty of scholarships- let me know!!! thanks- pleeeease comment!
no seriously...where should i go?
i cannot make up my mind...even about what colleges i am interested in! geez!
ones i've looked in to:
ASU- good: mill ave. familiar, close to home sister and friends, recording studio nearby, 2nd best programs im interested in, for instate, could get free tuition
bad: too close and big, not much of a change in atmosphere, no sense of uniqueness or independence, distractions
U of A: good: best programs for me, really cool vocal ensemble im interested in, big, but not as spread out as asu, some sense of independence- 2 hours, could get full tuition
bad: the town, i've always hated u of a and cheered for asu, seems like the same thing as phx but two hours away
NAU:good: weather!!! ooh soo nice, change of atmosphere, a little more independence, could get full tuition
bad: programs- blah! too small
USD:good: weather, location, independence, change, programs, could get vocal scholarship (not very much though)
bad: so expensive, snotty people, too small
I havent really looked anywhere else, i might look in Toronto, canada when i go visit my voice teacher. If anyone has any comments on any of the schools good or bad things! or know of a school that is not too big but not small, has good programs in math and music (voice), and has seperate ensembles, and intermural sports, and different weather from here and atmosphere, and a good college town but not too distracting, and not too expensive or offers plenty of scholarships- let me know!!! thanks- pleeeease comment!
Wednesday, September 22, 2004
wow. even after all the negative characteristics about me are presented, he still likes me. what a silly boy. sweet, but silly.
Saturday, September 18, 2004
WHAT TO SAY...
i dont know.
what's been goin on?
volleyball. homework. volleyball. homework.
Who have i been hanging out with?
volleyball team. study groups.
i dont know.
i havent updated in a while. i dont think its really worth it.
the range of self esteem in the boys i know, its outrageously large. Two particularly.
i need sleep. SLEEEEEEP. goodnight, maybe goodbye.
check out my new song, www.whoknowsreallysongs.blogspot.com
i like it.
PEACE
i dont know.
what's been goin on?
volleyball. homework. volleyball. homework.
Who have i been hanging out with?
volleyball team. study groups.
i dont know.
i havent updated in a while. i dont think its really worth it.
the range of self esteem in the boys i know, its outrageously large. Two particularly.
i need sleep. SLEEEEEEP. goodnight, maybe goodbye.
check out my new song, www.whoknowsreallysongs.blogspot.com
i like it.
PEACE
Saturday, September 04, 2004
IT'S FUNNY...
How easily one can fall asleep on the carpet floor with a book in hand and the lights on, as oppossed to in a comfy bed with the lights off.
I fall asleep doing homework, then as soon as i wash my face and brush my teeth i cannot fall asleep. "why not do your homework then?" you might be thinking. Because I am simply too tired.
How easily one can fall asleep on the carpet floor with a book in hand and the lights on, as oppossed to in a comfy bed with the lights off.
I fall asleep doing homework, then as soon as i wash my face and brush my teeth i cannot fall asleep. "why not do your homework then?" you might be thinking. Because I am simply too tired.
Wednesday, August 25, 2004
MUSIC MAKES ME HAPPY.
i love Dave Matthews Band. times one million (or more...)
i love Dave Matthews Band. times one million (or more...)
Monday, August 23, 2004
Unmotivated
+Uninspired
=Unhappy.
+Uninspired
=Unhappy.
sorry.
Tuesday, August 17, 2004
I find peace when I'm confused.
If everything were alright, what would we worry about?
I don't like school all that much.
Man, do I feel sorry for her.
What did I do/she do/he do that was so wrong?
Mature, or immature? That is the question.
I find hope when I'm let down.
Not in me, in you.
Sunday, August 15, 2004
What the - is going on?
-leave me alone.
-what the heck did i do?
-would someone just talk to me?!
-AHHH geez la weez. answer your phone...
-so what?!
-get OVER it.
-i miss you
-my head is overflowing.
-leave me alone
-frickin call me
what the - is going on?
-leave me alone.
-what the heck did i do?
-would someone just talk to me?!
-AHHH geez la weez. answer your phone...
-so what?!
-get OVER it.
-i miss you
-my head is overflowing.
-leave me alone
-frickin call me
what the - is going on?
WHAT THE - IS GOING ON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!???????????????
Monday, August 09, 2004
First day of school.
I remember last year I hated it. I HATED school. And i was complaining about it, then Daniel brought me ice cream and made me feel better.
I don't think i need ice cream this year. Don't get me wrong, I don't love school, it's just not so bad. But I did almost cry today when i found out that there was going to be no musical. No musical? no musical. My whole high school career in theater was all for the intention of getting the lead role my senior year. Now, this may sound a little cocky, but I was pretty much going to get the lead role. And now i dont get diddly squat. I mean, I've been looking forward to my senior year, MOSTLY becuase of that. yeah, i might transfer schools.
Other than that, it was good, i like my classes, and i have a good group of friends where i feel like i belong, and would be missed if i didn't show up at lunch. Okay peace OUT.
ps. summer was good....ummmm yeah.
I remember last year I hated it. I HATED school. And i was complaining about it, then Daniel brought me ice cream and made me feel better.
I don't think i need ice cream this year. Don't get me wrong, I don't love school, it's just not so bad. But I did almost cry today when i found out that there was going to be no musical. No musical? no musical. My whole high school career in theater was all for the intention of getting the lead role my senior year. Now, this may sound a little cocky, but I was pretty much going to get the lead role. And now i dont get diddly squat. I mean, I've been looking forward to my senior year, MOSTLY becuase of that. yeah, i might transfer schools.
Other than that, it was good, i like my classes, and i have a good group of friends where i feel like i belong, and would be missed if i didn't show up at lunch. Okay peace OUT.
ps. summer was good....ummmm yeah.
Thursday, August 05, 2004
IT'S DANIEL'S BIRTHDAY!!!! HE IS NOW 17 YEARS OLD, WELL ACTUALLY HE IS AT 5:30 TONIGHT! WOOHOO!
LOVE THAT BOY! DANIEL- YOU'RE THE BEST!
COMMENT ON HOW MUCH YOU LOVE HIM!!!
LOVE THAT BOY! DANIEL- YOU'RE THE BEST!
COMMENT ON HOW MUCH YOU LOVE HIM!!!
Sunday, August 01, 2004
i hate feeling this way. it feels i have no control over anything that is happening. i hate feeling this way. i can't even control my emotions. I HATE feeling this way.
Who am I? I bet you can't even tell me that much. Who am I? Somebody, just tell me that much.
Who am I? I bet you can't even tell me that much. Who am I? Somebody, just tell me that much.
Monday, July 26, 2004
Two weeks and then summer is over. i'm not sure if i am excited for or dreading school, probably a little of both. I think I learn just as much out of school as i do in school though...
-Sometimes, when you dont know what to do about a certain situation, i've learned that you just have to "let it be," especially when you cannot do anything to change someone's mind. You can't wear yourself out trying for everyone's approval. And when it comes to relationships, I believe that if it's meant to be, everything will sort of work itself out.
-Practice makes (nearly) perfect, because no one can be perfect. And even if you mess up, the show much go on.
-I take some of my friends for granted. I mean, i am comfortable in a bathing suit top and spandex shorts pulled up nearly to the bathing suit top without having to worry about what they think of me. that is AWESOME. plus i can talk to them slash daniel about anything, that is so cool.
- I have the coolest, hottest, most awesome youth pastor/minister (whatever you call it) around. man that guy is so cool that if he doesn't leave a comment for proof that this isn't some crazy thing that i am randomly stating, i guess i will still think fondly of him. (click on -- people love me. plus for all others, i didnt set up my blog or else i would have just put "one/two/etc comments")
-Sometimes, when you dont know what to do about a certain situation, i've learned that you just have to "let it be," especially when you cannot do anything to change someone's mind. You can't wear yourself out trying for everyone's approval. And when it comes to relationships, I believe that if it's meant to be, everything will sort of work itself out.
-Practice makes (nearly) perfect, because no one can be perfect. And even if you mess up, the show much go on.
-I take some of my friends for granted. I mean, i am comfortable in a bathing suit top and spandex shorts pulled up nearly to the bathing suit top without having to worry about what they think of me. that is AWESOME. plus i can talk to them slash daniel about anything, that is so cool.
- I have the coolest, hottest, most awesome youth pastor/minister (whatever you call it) around. man that guy is so cool that if he doesn't leave a comment for proof that this isn't some crazy thing that i am randomly stating, i guess i will still think fondly of him. (click on -- people love me. plus for all others, i didnt set up my blog or else i would have just put "one/two/etc comments")
Tuesday, July 20, 2004
new song - click lyrics
Saturday, July 17, 2004
i am not sure what i am doing, or what i think.
aaah! i am in control of my feelings. yes, it's like im trying to prove myself that. "You can't like him too much leah, you DON'T like him too much, you dont want to get screwed over" keeps going through my head.
i don't want to miss out, and i want to keep opportunities open. everything will work itself out right?
aaah! i am in control of my feelings. yes, it's like im trying to prove myself that. "You can't like him too much leah, you DON'T like him too much, you dont want to get screwed over" keeps going through my head.
i don't want to miss out, and i want to keep opportunities open. everything will work itself out right?
Monday, July 12, 2004
I need to get things done.
i am back from NAU's music camp, and it was awesome! i met so many cool people and have already kept in touch with some! i was singing over 6 hours a day. it was crazy. Daniel came and visited me during one of worser of the sick days, but i am SOOOO glad he came, i love that boy. i performed in the very select Honor Recital and Variety Show, and then also received an award in Jazz Vocal Ensemble. Super cool, however i did not get a scholarship i wanted to go back next year. oh well, hopefully europe or road trip with friends next summer!
Now is the time to get things done. like i said earlier. i still need to read 500 pages along with do the rest of AP english project. I also need to practice volleyball and guitar. i need to focus. i dont think i can do all that if i have any boy in the way.
boys... oh golly.
i am back from NAU's music camp, and it was awesome! i met so many cool people and have already kept in touch with some! i was singing over 6 hours a day. it was crazy. Daniel came and visited me during one of worser of the sick days, but i am SOOOO glad he came, i love that boy. i performed in the very select Honor Recital and Variety Show, and then also received an award in Jazz Vocal Ensemble. Super cool, however i did not get a scholarship i wanted to go back next year. oh well, hopefully europe or road trip with friends next summer!
Now is the time to get things done. like i said earlier. i still need to read 500 pages along with do the rest of AP english project. I also need to practice volleyball and guitar. i need to focus. i dont think i can do all that if i have any boy in the way.
boys... oh golly.
Sunday, July 11, 2004
IIIIIIIIIIIIIII'M BACK.
k tell you about camp later. peace.
k tell you about camp later. peace.
Saturday, June 26, 2004
Muddy feet.
i had fun tonight. it was so good to get away, and do something different.
things seem better for no apparent reason, i am more relaxed and have gained some confidence back.
bad news for all you want-to-hang-out-with-leah-ers: for the next two weeks i will be in flagstaff at NAU's music camp. i am very excited and sort of nervous. it should be a good trip though. Moreover, that is also the reason i wont be updating. I'll miss the people that i will miss. I love you guys.
i had fun tonight. it was so good to get away, and do something different.
things seem better for no apparent reason, i am more relaxed and have gained some confidence back.
bad news for all you want-to-hang-out-with-leah-ers: for the next two weeks i will be in flagstaff at NAU's music camp. i am very excited and sort of nervous. it should be a good trip though. Moreover, that is also the reason i wont be updating. I'll miss the people that i will miss. I love you guys.
Tuesday, June 22, 2004
i dont care if you arent listening, just dont hang up.
superficiality is such a stupid thing to get upset about. gossssssssh.
superficiality is such a stupid thing to get upset about. gossssssssh.
Saturday, June 19, 2004
what i am to you is not real
what i am to you you do not need
what i am to you is not what you mean to me.
yup more damien rice.
i don't understand boys, or relationships. i dont know when it started, but i havent been getting attached. it's like i'm apathetic to what they feel for me or even to what i feel for them. i just dont care. i wont allow myself to be heartbroken, and i wont allow myself to fall for anyone, not for fear of becoming heartbroken, just becuase i dont want to. im not sure what numbed me, if that is how you spell it, but i dont think anyone could "break the ice" or however you want to put it, right now at least. i wonder when i will find something that will just be perfect on both ends.
yeah.
what i am to you you do not need
what i am to you is not what you mean to me.
yup more damien rice.
i don't understand boys, or relationships. i dont know when it started, but i havent been getting attached. it's like i'm apathetic to what they feel for me or even to what i feel for them. i just dont care. i wont allow myself to be heartbroken, and i wont allow myself to fall for anyone, not for fear of becoming heartbroken, just becuase i dont want to. im not sure what numbed me, if that is how you spell it, but i dont think anyone could "break the ice" or however you want to put it, right now at least. i wonder when i will find something that will just be perfect on both ends.
yeah.
Tuesday, June 15, 2004
you give me miles and miles of mountains and i'll ask for the sea
i haven't updated lately, simply because nothing is going on or has changed. CHRISTIE is home, i missed that girl.
alright bye.
download damien rice-volcano, or anything really.
i haven't updated lately, simply because nothing is going on or has changed. CHRISTIE is home, i missed that girl.
alright bye.
download damien rice-volcano, or anything really.
Thursday, June 10, 2004
I am not more "yours" than I am to the next person that walks by. I am not a possession. I am a person. That does not mean I am scared. It means I am independent.
Your immaturity is overwhelming.
then again, i am writing this rather than speaking.
Your immaturity is overwhelming.
then again, i am writing this rather than speaking.
Tuesday, June 08, 2004
then I see you standing there, wanting more from me, and all I can do is try. then I see you standing there, I'm all I'll ever be, and all I can do is try.
i'm not trying hard enough. i have not followed through on anything i said i would do this summer. i said i would work out and get into shape. i said i would practice my guitar and piano everyday i said. i would practice my classical singing i said. i said i would write a new song every week. i would keep my room clean and organize i said. will someone enforce these things for me? i think if i were a movie star or just rich, i would hire someone just to make sure i do everything i want to do. now all of you thinking: why dont you just do it and not be lazy?...well...good, becuase i should.
i'm not trying hard enough. i have not followed through on anything i said i would do this summer. i said i would work out and get into shape. i said i would practice my guitar and piano everyday i said. i would practice my classical singing i said. i said i would write a new song every week. i would keep my room clean and organize i said. will someone enforce these things for me? i think if i were a movie star or just rich, i would hire someone just to make sure i do everything i want to do. now all of you thinking: why dont you just do it and not be lazy?...well...good, becuase i should.
Monday, June 07, 2004
may and i decided to make up a dance to "milkshake." we are so awesome.
Saturday, June 05, 2004
yo yo yo
so tonight was fun! bringing a bunch of friends together was great. friends are great. thanks to everyone who made my night fun!
ps. i wayyyyy beat jake at bowling- haha sucka =)
so tonight was fun! bringing a bunch of friends together was great. friends are great. thanks to everyone who made my night fun!
ps. i wayyyyy beat jake at bowling- haha sucka =)
Thursday, June 03, 2004
Gravity always wins.
wow, so today, my mom randomly decided to buy me a new cell phone plan annnd cell phone! it was so nice, instead of 300 minutes with only free weekend minutes (starting saturday), i get 1300 minutes with free night and weekend. and i still have text messages. i am so excited and it was so nice of my mom. she said i deserved it, but i really dont feel like i do. i mean, i havent been home lately becuase i always go out with my friends. like i feel like i should be cleaning my room right now. i felt kind of guilty but then i remembered that i get straight a's and i never get money for that, so this is way better anyway! thanks mommy!
wow, so today, my mom randomly decided to buy me a new cell phone plan annnd cell phone! it was so nice, instead of 300 minutes with only free weekend minutes (starting saturday), i get 1300 minutes with free night and weekend. and i still have text messages. i am so excited and it was so nice of my mom. she said i deserved it, but i really dont feel like i do. i mean, i havent been home lately becuase i always go out with my friends. like i feel like i should be cleaning my room right now. i felt kind of guilty but then i remembered that i get straight a's and i never get money for that, so this is way better anyway! thanks mommy!
Wednesday, June 02, 2004
i cant live up to your standards. don't lower your standards for me.
i'm talking to more than one.
i'm talking to more than one.
Monday, May 31, 2004
it's a silly time to learn to swim when you start to drown
if doing something will change nothing...why do it? and, if doing something won't change anything...why not do it?
note to self: figure yourself out.
if doing something will change nothing...why do it? and, if doing something won't change anything...why not do it?
note to self: figure yourself out.
Thursday, May 27, 2004
well there are plenty of things i want to say.
i am a senior now. weird. that means im going to have to start getting things done. where am i going to college? what am i even looking for in a college?
um, i dont want anything to change, okaY? thanks.
some people are really lame. or am i?
some people want all the attention. or am i annoyed because they are stealing mine?
should you wait for something wonderful if you'd be missing out on something great? I'm not sure of my opinion on settling for something or someone, if it's for the time being.
i have many goals this summer, including: becoming an overall better musician and becoming overall more healthy. If i were to achieve these goals they would in turn make me more happy with myself, which is always the main goal. how many times can i say goal? okay, another goal for me is to read a lot and expand my vocabulary.
i am a senior now. weird. that means im going to have to start getting things done. where am i going to college? what am i even looking for in a college?
um, i dont want anything to change, okaY? thanks.
some people are really lame. or am i?
some people want all the attention. or am i annoyed because they are stealing mine?
should you wait for something wonderful if you'd be missing out on something great? I'm not sure of my opinion on settling for something or someone, if it's for the time being.
i have many goals this summer, including: becoming an overall better musician and becoming overall more healthy. If i were to achieve these goals they would in turn make me more happy with myself, which is always the main goal. how many times can i say goal? okay, another goal for me is to read a lot and expand my vocabulary.
Tuesday, May 18, 2004
Tuesday
ya know, i really had fun today. i wish it were summer. i feel so comfortable with my group of friends, finally. i just love every one of them. And i love not having to try to act a certain way in front of them, or not trying to look good, and the list goes on. Thanks to all my friends for being there for me. This summer is going to be amazing, i really cant wait.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Am i ready? Is there already a title? Do i want one? geez leah...
ya know, i really had fun today. i wish it were summer. i feel so comfortable with my group of friends, finally. i just love every one of them. And i love not having to try to act a certain way in front of them, or not trying to look good, and the list goes on. Thanks to all my friends for being there for me. This summer is going to be amazing, i really cant wait.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Am i ready? Is there already a title? Do i want one? geez leah...
Sunday, May 16, 2004
yoooo
hey 3rd and final prom was a blast. This date was the only one to bring me flowers, and he brought the prettiest pink roses i have ever seen. i think dances are almost more fun when you don't know anyone so you dont really care about anything.i am exhausted.
shoot, i am all mixed up. really. but even more so, tired. tired in the head. don't be disappointed, don't expect anything. no one knows what the future may hold.
hey 3rd and final prom was a blast. This date was the only one to bring me flowers, and he brought the prettiest pink roses i have ever seen. i think dances are almost more fun when you don't know anyone so you dont really care about anything.i am exhausted.
shoot, i am all mixed up. really. but even more so, tired. tired in the head. don't be disappointed, don't expect anything. no one knows what the future may hold.
Thursday, May 13, 2004
Random
i really want a car to drive
i really want a car
hi ho the dair-io, i really want some brownies
we had no eggs. weird, we always have eggs.
i really want a car to drive
i really want a car
hi ho the dair-io, i really want some brownies
we had no eggs. weird, we always have eggs.
Monday, May 10, 2004
Monday Monday Monday
Who would have thought a monday could turn out to be so good?
I don't know what to expect out of this, but i'm like all nervous and excited at the same time. Kinda scared too.
Who would have thought a monday could turn out to be so good?
I don't know what to expect out of this, but i'm like all nervous and excited at the same time. Kinda scared too.
Sunday, May 09, 2004
Prom etc
Prom was very very fun. I don't think i could have found a better date to go with as friends to Tbird's prom. Grant was great, dinner was fab, the dance was fun, and after the dance was chill. And I don't even care if anyone liked my dress becuase I liked it, so there.
I wanted you to notice me. I don't think you did. You were the closest thing I had to love, and now you have her. She's perfect, she's all you ever wanted, and i am nothing but a girl from the past. I've moved on, but...
Will I ever be something more than that? Can I make a relationship work for once? Please. What's the point? Don't hurt me, let's just have fun. I don't know if we are going anywhere, and i kinda hope we are, I just...it's just...hmm, i guess it's just hard to explain.
Prom was very very fun. I don't think i could have found a better date to go with as friends to Tbird's prom. Grant was great, dinner was fab, the dance was fun, and after the dance was chill. And I don't even care if anyone liked my dress becuase I liked it, so there.
I wanted you to notice me. I don't think you did. You were the closest thing I had to love, and now you have her. She's perfect, she's all you ever wanted, and i am nothing but a girl from the past. I've moved on, but...
Will I ever be something more than that? Can I make a relationship work for once? Please. What's the point? Don't hurt me, let's just have fun. I don't know if we are going anywhere, and i kinda hope we are, I just...it's just...hmm, i guess it's just hard to explain.
Wednesday, May 05, 2004
stop fooling yourself.
yes, i am talking to YOU.
yes, i am talking to YOU.
Sunday, May 02, 2004
I believe in a thing called love
Well this weekend was fun, i did not get any homework done however. Friday night my sister came home from college! yay! Friday through Saturday was Relay for Life where i barely slept but had good times while being awake. Saturday night was brophy's prom, which was very fun. Today (Sunday) i actually had fun at work, and then had a blast at Jake's 18th birthday party. Happy Birthday Jake!
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*'
i want to have some sort of hold on a guy, where he thinks about me and misses me when i'm not there, and i give him butterflies when i am there, but still there's never an awkward moment. but i'm not like that. that's not me.
but i dont want anything to change.
Well this weekend was fun, i did not get any homework done however. Friday night my sister came home from college! yay! Friday through Saturday was Relay for Life where i barely slept but had good times while being awake. Saturday night was brophy's prom, which was very fun. Today (Sunday) i actually had fun at work, and then had a blast at Jake's 18th birthday party. Happy Birthday Jake!
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*'
i want to have some sort of hold on a guy, where he thinks about me and misses me when i'm not there, and i give him butterflies when i am there, but still there's never an awkward moment. but i'm not like that. that's not me.
but i dont want anything to change.
Thursday, April 29, 2004
CRAAAAZY
dun dun dun...the end of the year is coming up and i am already starting to feel the things i have to do piling up! i have pretty high a's in all my classes and the ones that i dont, the final isnt worth that much, so after a few tests, im sure ill be fine. EXCEPT my english project, i am actually working on in it TWO weeks before its due, i am so proud.
this weekend:
relay for life (friday and saturday)
brophy's prom sat
church work and jakes bday on sunday
next weekend:
adopt a street
confirmation and my prom
and work and church sunday
(my project is due the monday after)
the weekend after that:
Jake's prom!
and work probably both days
it's sort of strange, but i am looking forward to jake's prom the most! he's awesome.
happy updating huh?
to all: sorry i always complain on this thing. =)
oh yeah, and i have a movie due in drama.
dun dun dun...the end of the year is coming up and i am already starting to feel the things i have to do piling up! i have pretty high a's in all my classes and the ones that i dont, the final isnt worth that much, so after a few tests, im sure ill be fine. EXCEPT my english project, i am actually working on in it TWO weeks before its due, i am so proud.
this weekend:
relay for life (friday and saturday)
brophy's prom sat
church work and jakes bday on sunday
next weekend:
adopt a street
confirmation and my prom
and work and church sunday
(my project is due the monday after)
the weekend after that:
Jake's prom!
and work probably both days
it's sort of strange, but i am looking forward to jake's prom the most! he's awesome.
happy updating huh?
to all: sorry i always complain on this thing. =)
oh yeah, and i have a movie due in drama.
Saturday, April 24, 2004
im sick of everything.
of this even.
of writing, school, people.
of being there for you when you are not there for me
of apologizing when you were at fault
of you saying how much your life sucks
of you trying to get so much attention
of you trying so hard to be cool
of you always winning
of me being annoying
of me getting annoyed easily
of me not being good enough
of me not getting what i want
of me complaining(as you probably are too)
of me having this poor attitude
of me being me.
thats it, i think i want to change my whole personality. maybe ill be like those jerks that get everything they want.
a stupid orange slip could change someone's life, i wanted that change. thanks to my supporters. you guys are the best!
of this even.
of writing, school, people.
of being there for you when you are not there for me
of apologizing when you were at fault
of you saying how much your life sucks
of you trying to get so much attention
of you trying so hard to be cool
of you always winning
of me being annoying
of me getting annoyed easily
of me not being good enough
of me not getting what i want
of me complaining(as you probably are too)
of me having this poor attitude
of me being me.
thats it, i think i want to change my whole personality. maybe ill be like those jerks that get everything they want.
a stupid orange slip could change someone's life, i wanted that change. thanks to my supporters. you guys are the best!
Sunday, April 18, 2004
Let me know that you hear me
Let me know your touch
Let me know that you love me
Let that be enough
-Switchfoot-
i dont like practicing something until i think i have it down perfect and then having someone (that i dont think has the qualifications to criticize me to an extent) tell me its completely wrong or bad. goshhh it makes me upset. i also dont like letting everything out, and giving it my all, and have someone just not notice. let me be enough, please.
Let me know your touch
Let me know that you love me
Let that be enough
-Switchfoot-
i dont like practicing something until i think i have it down perfect and then having someone (that i dont think has the qualifications to criticize me to an extent) tell me its completely wrong or bad. goshhh it makes me upset. i also dont like letting everything out, and giving it my all, and have someone just not notice. let me be enough, please.
Monday, April 12, 2004
Make new friends KEEP THE OLD
I feel like I have lost touch with soo many people. It has gone from hanging out and knowing what's going on in each other's lives....to occasionally seeing them at big get togethers.....to saying hi and giving maybe a high five when walking by...all the way to smiling if we happen to see each other.
I really don't like when I feel like a nuisance to someone. I don't like feeling unwanted. I don't like feeling like I am annoying someone. hey, I'm glad i can say the same thing in three different sentences.
I feel like I have lost touch with soo many people. It has gone from hanging out and knowing what's going on in each other's lives....to occasionally seeing them at big get togethers.....to saying hi and giving maybe a high five when walking by...all the way to smiling if we happen to see each other.
I really don't like when I feel like a nuisance to someone. I don't like feeling unwanted. I don't like feeling like I am annoying someone. hey, I'm glad i can say the same thing in three different sentences.
Sunday, April 11, 2004
And YOU will be my strength
i love music. it is the best thing this world has. yeah.
easter: two years ago, at the family picnic, it was my nana's last year. last year, the day joel died. the day where papa went without nana. this year, neither nana nor papa could make it in person. they are missed. on the other hand, alleluia!, for all those who believe, jesus has died and risen for you!
family weekends are always nice and needed at times.
i love music. it is the best thing this world has. yeah.
easter: two years ago, at the family picnic, it was my nana's last year. last year, the day joel died. the day where papa went without nana. this year, neither nana nor papa could make it in person. they are missed. on the other hand, alleluia!, for all those who believe, jesus has died and risen for you!
family weekends are always nice and needed at times.
Tuesday, April 06, 2004
hmmmm.
i....am going to get good at the guitar. just you wait. i am learning my favorite switchfoot song, called "let that be enough". i might post the lyrics tomorrow. i love that song.
i played at an open mic night tonight. it went pretty well i think. coulda done better or worse. thanks to all who joined. i was the one of the two who sang their own songs.
i....am going to get good at the guitar. just you wait. i am learning my favorite switchfoot song, called "let that be enough". i might post the lyrics tomorrow. i love that song.
i played at an open mic night tonight. it went pretty well i think. coulda done better or worse. thanks to all who joined. i was the one of the two who sang their own songs.
Sunday, April 04, 2004
OUCH
very. i guess, well, no, i dont know. i dont even know how to make it better.
tell me it'll pass.
very. i guess, well, no, i dont know. i dont even know how to make it better.
tell me it'll pass.
Saturday, April 03, 2004
random
i saw a boy. He looked pretty cute and wore a Fender shirt, which is good...he might play the guitar... We made eye contact at least 3 or 4 times and smiled shyly everytime. I won't see him again though.
today: hm. i had a weird conversation today. ( i was at work) As the man was leaving, or so i thought, i said "bye, have a good one." Then he (probably because he didnt hear me) said "hi, how are you?" Then i (my voice sounding like i just now saw him) said "HI! good! how are you?" then he said, "thanks." and continued out. whaaaaat? it was just so, weird. i laughed by myself a bit. then i yelled at some kids. =)
hmm. i am sort of disappointed in you.
i feel like writing a song. if i do, i will start it with "im in one of those weird moods again...."
i saw a boy. He looked pretty cute and wore a Fender shirt, which is good...he might play the guitar... We made eye contact at least 3 or 4 times and smiled shyly everytime. I won't see him again though.
today: hm. i had a weird conversation today. ( i was at work) As the man was leaving, or so i thought, i said "bye, have a good one." Then he (probably because he didnt hear me) said "hi, how are you?" Then i (my voice sounding like i just now saw him) said "HI! good! how are you?" then he said, "thanks." and continued out. whaaaaat? it was just so, weird. i laughed by myself a bit. then i yelled at some kids. =)
hmm. i am sort of disappointed in you.
i feel like writing a song. if i do, i will start it with "im in one of those weird moods again...."
Thursday, April 01, 2004
My Stomach Hurts
it really does. maybe i ate something bad.
i am not a liar, i am just selfish. (yesterday)
i don't understand. i guess, whatever.
it really does. maybe i ate something bad.
i am not a liar, i am just selfish. (yesterday)
i don't understand. i guess, whatever.
Wednesday, March 31, 2004
thank you daniel for this loverly new layout!
the past few days i have been up and down. i dont know if its what time of day it is or something, but one hour i will be completely tired, and the next ill be really hyper, the next ill be annoyed at everything, and the next totally happy. maybe its the people. yes, most definitely. If i am in a bad mood and then someone is actually happy or excited to see me, i suddenly feel so good. i love that.
the past few days i have been up and down. i dont know if its what time of day it is or something, but one hour i will be completely tired, and the next ill be really hyper, the next ill be annoyed at everything, and the next totally happy. maybe its the people. yes, most definitely. If i am in a bad mood and then someone is actually happy or excited to see me, i suddenly feel so good. i love that.
Sunday, March 28, 2004
"We live on borrowed time."
Happy 15th Birthday to my amazing wonderful sister, May. I love that girl.
Happy 15th Birthday to my amazing wonderful sister, May. I love that girl.
Disneyland...the happiest place on earth?
Hm. My trip to Disneyland for chior was fun. It could have been better. At this age, the rides just dont seem worth the wait. Maybe its becuase i didnt really have any good friends there. But the people i hung out with were cool though. We got stuck on the Pirates of the Carribean ride. Yup, the part where the pirates are trying to pull out all the treasure and making sounds like they are constipated. It was about 20 minutes of listening to those "grunts" i guess you could call them. I asked for a free churro for the inconvenience and the lady said "no." Then when went to lunch at the Blue Bayou, my chicken on my chicken caeser salad was not diced so i had a huge hunk of chicken on my salad. so i cut it myself. There was no discount or free churro provided. Thennnn, i left my bag on the star wars ride, (for like thirty seconds), went back to get it and my money was stolen. Whatever! At least the rest of my stuff was there. After ALLLL those hardships, i didnt even get a free churro. =(. the one i bought (with people-i-complained-to-and-were-nice-enough-to-give-me-money's money) was verrrry good though. I wonder if DisneyWORLD is much better...
Moreover...
My Eye Is Twitching
isn't that gross and weird? it's very annoying, and i cant help thinking of someone making a movie where the ugly gross fat girl has a twitching eye as well. It's like the energizer bunny, it doesnt stop. I hear it is either because of lack of sleep or because of stress. Well, there have been periods of time where i have been more stressed and more sleepy and my eye did not twitch then. geez, i hope it stops soon. i guess i will go get some sleep.
Hm. My trip to Disneyland for chior was fun. It could have been better. At this age, the rides just dont seem worth the wait. Maybe its becuase i didnt really have any good friends there. But the people i hung out with were cool though. We got stuck on the Pirates of the Carribean ride. Yup, the part where the pirates are trying to pull out all the treasure and making sounds like they are constipated. It was about 20 minutes of listening to those "grunts" i guess you could call them. I asked for a free churro for the inconvenience and the lady said "no." Then when went to lunch at the Blue Bayou, my chicken on my chicken caeser salad was not diced so i had a huge hunk of chicken on my salad. so i cut it myself. There was no discount or free churro provided. Thennnn, i left my bag on the star wars ride, (for like thirty seconds), went back to get it and my money was stolen. Whatever! At least the rest of my stuff was there. After ALLLL those hardships, i didnt even get a free churro. =(. the one i bought (with people-i-complained-to-and-were-nice-enough-to-give-me-money's money) was verrrry good though. I wonder if DisneyWORLD is much better...
Moreover...
My Eye Is Twitching
isn't that gross and weird? it's very annoying, and i cant help thinking of someone making a movie where the ugly gross fat girl has a twitching eye as well. It's like the energizer bunny, it doesnt stop. I hear it is either because of lack of sleep or because of stress. Well, there have been periods of time where i have been more stressed and more sleepy and my eye did not twitch then. geez, i hope it stops soon. i guess i will go get some sleep.
Sunday, March 21, 2004
10 Years Old
who would have known laundry could cause so much trouble at my house? i miss my older sister.
all in all, spring break was very fun due to some close friends. I love you all, thanks for being vonderful!
who would have known laundry could cause so much trouble at my house? i miss my older sister.
all in all, spring break was very fun due to some close friends. I love you all, thanks for being vonderful!
Saturday, March 20, 2004
YAY!
woohoo! Yellowcard, Something Corporate, and The Format concert tonight! thanks to my good buddy chas! love you girl!
and i still dont know whats goin on with that. =) i hear that time will tell.
woohoo! Yellowcard, Something Corporate, and The Format concert tonight! thanks to my good buddy chas! love you girl!
and i still dont know whats goin on with that. =) i hear that time will tell.
Friday, March 19, 2004
IRONY
wow my last entry's title should have been tonight's. becuase, there was a very big traffic jam and there was probably more cars than sand on the beach.
and also tonight was fun.
ummm. hmmm. okay. hmmm. ha. we'll see.
wow my last entry's title should have been tonight's. becuase, there was a very big traffic jam and there was probably more cars than sand on the beach.
and also tonight was fun.
ummm. hmmm. okay. hmmm. ha. we'll see.
Wednesday, March 17, 2004
OO! traffic jam, got more cars than the beach got sand, suck it up...
i definitely love that song.
tonight was very fun thanks to some good friends! actually today was great, despite me having to work. my old voice teacher who now lives in Canada, is here for the week to visit. i LOVE that lady, and her daughter! They are definitely equal to my other favorite people in the world.
i definitely love that song.
tonight was very fun thanks to some good friends! actually today was great, despite me having to work. my old voice teacher who now lives in Canada, is here for the week to visit. i LOVE that lady, and her daughter! They are definitely equal to my other favorite people in the world.
Tuesday, March 16, 2004
you guessed right
ROOFTOP CONCERT TONIGHT was awesome! i really like them.
i was in a bitchy mood tonight and i apologize to all those involved.
what's wrong with me? get over it. i think my cycle affected some of my poor behavior.
ROOFTOP CONCERT TONIGHT was awesome! i really like them.
i was in a bitchy mood tonight and i apologize to all those involved.
what's wrong with me? get over it. i think my cycle affected some of my poor behavior.
Sunday, March 14, 2004
gosh i hate fricken regret. what am i trying to prove to him/her/them/the world?! i need to use my time more wisely. tonight was barely fun.
ps come on, my last entry was funny, life-life...? haha?
ps come on, my last entry was funny, life-life...? haha?
Thursday, March 11, 2004
Life is Full of Surprises
For example, Life cereal, now has a honey graham flavor, it was so weird not adding extra sugar or cinnamon to the life squares and instead adding honey. hmmm.
In addition, i have been singing along to songs like: Come clean-hilary duff (hate that girl), Toxic-brit, Yeah-usher, and Hot-missy elliot. weird.
also, this rain is soo cool.
For example, Life cereal, now has a honey graham flavor, it was so weird not adding extra sugar or cinnamon to the life squares and instead adding honey. hmmm.
In addition, i have been singing along to songs like: Come clean-hilary duff (hate that girl), Toxic-brit, Yeah-usher, and Hot-missy elliot. weird.
also, this rain is soo cool.
Wednesday, March 10, 2004
HEY YOU GUYS
tonight i went hiking with my good friends: christieroma, the mikeester, chasizzle, and danny boy. =) i love you guys! and i was very proud of us, even if katie says it was an easy mountain.
well i THINK everythings cleared up. (referring to the last two entries). hopefully they are. i really wish things will smoothly go back to where they used to be, but with more of an understanding of each other, and maybe even a better friendship.
tonight i went hiking with my good friends: christieroma, the mikeester, chasizzle, and danny boy. =) i love you guys! and i was very proud of us, even if katie says it was an easy mountain.
well i THINK everythings cleared up. (referring to the last two entries). hopefully they are. i really wish things will smoothly go back to where they used to be, but with more of an understanding of each other, and maybe even a better friendship.
Tuesday, March 09, 2004
i wrote the last entry, when i really wasnt upset at all. however, i realized what you said really did hurt. not becuase it was coming from you, but becuase it made me feel like a lesser person or something. however, i was so lucky that you liked me, knowing that you have such high standards, right?
now, i understand that those were not your intentions. as mr graybeal would say, "i can feel the devil coming out of my throat." ha. no really, i dont mean the things i say either, there is something inside of me that wants revenge, although i wasnt really that hurt. dont lose sleep over it. however, i dont think that you will. i think there is something inside of you that makes you portray someone who really cares, and there is some sincerity in that you dont want me to feel bad, but it doesnt really matter to you either way. i know i am not that great.
now, i understand that those were not your intentions. as mr graybeal would say, "i can feel the devil coming out of my throat." ha. no really, i dont mean the things i say either, there is something inside of me that wants revenge, although i wasnt really that hurt. dont lose sleep over it. however, i dont think that you will. i think there is something inside of you that makes you portray someone who really cares, and there is some sincerity in that you dont want me to feel bad, but it doesnt really matter to you either way. i know i am not that great.
Monday, March 08, 2004
i've come to the realization that i cannot be anything more with anyone than something that rhymes with spring.
i dont get attached. i dont let myself think too much about things anymore. i've learned, and now i write in pencil first. (see lyrics)
silly boy, dont be disappointed that you didnt break my heart.
i dont get attached. i dont let myself think too much about things anymore. i've learned, and now i write in pencil first. (see lyrics)
silly boy, dont be disappointed that you didnt break my heart.
Sunday, March 07, 2004
Time Flies
"Time, where did you go?
Why did you leave me here alone?
Wait, don't go so fast
I'm missing the moments as they pass
Now I've looked in the mirror and the worlds getting clearer
So wait for me this time"
no no no no no! ahh, why? darn it! what do i do now? oh well? huh? what? no no no! ahh! sorry.
"Time, where did you go?
Why did you leave me here alone?
Wait, don't go so fast
I'm missing the moments as they pass
Now I've looked in the mirror and the worlds getting clearer
So wait for me this time"
no no no no no! ahh, why? darn it! what do i do now? oh well? huh? what? no no no! ahh! sorry.
Wednesday, March 03, 2004
FELICIA! CHASITY! DANIEL!
thank you thank you thank you very very very much for the flowers! they made me so happy, and i am super glad you enjoyed the play! (or faked it enough for me to believe =) )
i wish i could be a little girl again, i didnt have to worry about a lot of things.
thank you thank you thank you very very very much for the flowers! they made me so happy, and i am super glad you enjoyed the play! (or faked it enough for me to believe =) )
i wish i could be a little girl again, i didnt have to worry about a lot of things.
Tuesday, March 02, 2004
"i'm not alone, i'm just on my own"
i dont know what to think. i am indifferent. a huge weight is pulled off of my shoulders, yet there was no punishment and that angers me. i am frusterated. i dont even know what's going on inside my head but whatever it is makes me want to cry.
and WHAT am i going to do about that? i hope i dont mess things up like i tend to. just dont think too hard. i am not good at that.
send a little smile my way
i dont know what to think. i am indifferent. a huge weight is pulled off of my shoulders, yet there was no punishment and that angers me. i am frusterated. i dont even know what's going on inside my head but whatever it is makes me want to cry.
and WHAT am i going to do about that? i hope i dont mess things up like i tend to. just dont think too hard. i am not good at that.
send a little smile my way
Monday, March 01, 2004
WHY?
i am so angry, and frusterated, and at the same time, i know that me feeling these things could lead to further destruction. why why why!?
why?????
how could someone not realize their actions affect so many different people?
why?
i am sorry. it is okay to be angry sometimes right?
i am so angry, and frusterated, and at the same time, i know that me feeling these things could lead to further destruction. why why why!?
why?????
how could someone not realize their actions affect so many different people?
why?
i am sorry. it is okay to be angry sometimes right?
Sunday, February 29, 2004
SEVENTEEN
and ready to see rated R movies =).
when i was really little, i decided that seventeen would be the coolest age. my cousin who i idolized, was indeed 17. it seemed perfect, a year older than that new cool driver 16, (so even cooler) yet not have as many responsibilities as that adult 18. plus its the name of the magazine!
my seventeenth year of living: i want to change someone's life, i want to be more optomistic, i want to be trusted, i want attention, i want love, i want to write more songs, i want to be goal oriented, i want to make good use of my time, i want to be discovered =), i want to perform, i want to have some sort of romantic relationship that lasts longer than a week, i want to make good decisions, i want to work hard and see the results, hmm i want a lot. =)
"cuz different, doesn't feel so different" -ya thats a fricken hilary duff song, i hate that girl, but i like that line.
and ready to see rated R movies =).
when i was really little, i decided that seventeen would be the coolest age. my cousin who i idolized, was indeed 17. it seemed perfect, a year older than that new cool driver 16, (so even cooler) yet not have as many responsibilities as that adult 18. plus its the name of the magazine!
my seventeenth year of living: i want to change someone's life, i want to be more optomistic, i want to be trusted, i want attention, i want love, i want to write more songs, i want to be goal oriented, i want to make good use of my time, i want to be discovered =), i want to perform, i want to have some sort of romantic relationship that lasts longer than a week, i want to make good decisions, i want to work hard and see the results, hmm i want a lot. =)
"cuz different, doesn't feel so different" -ya thats a fricken hilary duff song, i hate that girl, but i like that line.
Friday, February 27, 2004
i did a saturday or sunday afternoon on a thursday late at night. i'm tired
Tuesday, February 24, 2004
New Songs
k, i changed my song called "Written in Pencil" a bit, and i wrote a new one called "Your Name Here" (meaning it applies to many people). to check them out and comment, click on LYRICS at the bottom of the page.
k, i changed my song called "Written in Pencil" a bit, and i wrote a new one called "Your Name Here" (meaning it applies to many people). to check them out and comment, click on LYRICS at the bottom of the page.
Monday, February 23, 2004
and the winner goes to...
the worst feeling in the world: being hated, naw, ill get over that. i think it is regret. regret of anything, what you did in the past, or how you are wasting time now.
tonight i went to macayo's, even though my mother actually made a nice dinner and no one in the family was arguing, thinking it was benifiting our school. when i got there, i found out it was not. but for some reason, i stayed. on the way home i was like what the hell, i just wasted that, i wasnt even craving mexican, and mom actually made dinner. it was so ridiculous but i got so mad at myself.
later, i watched tv and nothing was on to the point that i was watching rap videos. i hate rap. i hate that all it is, is all these beautiful women dancing around the ugly man who just wants sex. what the hell? i wasted another hour there.
then, most importantly, there's what i did to him ( i would say you, but he never reads this becuase i am very not his best friend). how could i ruin that?
regret: damn, i HATE it!
the worst feeling in the world: being hated, naw, ill get over that. i think it is regret. regret of anything, what you did in the past, or how you are wasting time now.
tonight i went to macayo's, even though my mother actually made a nice dinner and no one in the family was arguing, thinking it was benifiting our school. when i got there, i found out it was not. but for some reason, i stayed. on the way home i was like what the hell, i just wasted that, i wasnt even craving mexican, and mom actually made dinner. it was so ridiculous but i got so mad at myself.
later, i watched tv and nothing was on to the point that i was watching rap videos. i hate rap. i hate that all it is, is all these beautiful women dancing around the ugly man who just wants sex. what the hell? i wasted another hour there.
then, most importantly, there's what i did to him ( i would say you, but he never reads this becuase i am very not his best friend). how could i ruin that?
regret: damn, i HATE it!
Saturday, February 21, 2004
What is beautiful?
Tonight was a disappointment. third wheel= not fun.
everyone's so happy. well i am fine by myself. i dont think i could ever be with anyone anyway, i would just mess it up. this girl came up to me today, asking if everything in my life was going okay, and i said yes, and she said well there's this boy and i think he is what you need... no! i dont need a boy. what are relationships for in high school anyway? "yes, that right there is my boyfriend. oh, look what he bought me." isnt that sweet... (I'm sorry, I'm sure there are some substantial relationships.)
update: i got my braces off, maybe that will help me find a boyfriend that i dont want anyway. my friends might think im decent looking now too, woop de do. maybe i'll try to be perfect in every way and hang out with all those "cool" people. ya, then i'll be happy.
why are no people online at 1:14 am saturday morning?
your comment made me smile =)
Tonight was a disappointment. third wheel= not fun.
everyone's so happy. well i am fine by myself. i dont think i could ever be with anyone anyway, i would just mess it up. this girl came up to me today, asking if everything in my life was going okay, and i said yes, and she said well there's this boy and i think he is what you need... no! i dont need a boy. what are relationships for in high school anyway? "yes, that right there is my boyfriend. oh, look what he bought me." isnt that sweet... (I'm sorry, I'm sure there are some substantial relationships.)
update: i got my braces off, maybe that will help me find a boyfriend that i dont want anyway. my friends might think im decent looking now too, woop de do. maybe i'll try to be perfect in every way and hang out with all those "cool" people. ya, then i'll be happy.
why are no people online at 1:14 am saturday morning?
your comment made me smile =)
Wednesday, February 18, 2004
Today i was...
disconnected, seperated, independent, exclusive, alone yet not lonely, confused yet happy, annoyed but fine, jealous but doing the same thing, content yet still wanting more, a tango dancer with caleb! that was fun.
bye bye chicago.
disconnected, seperated, independent, exclusive, alone yet not lonely, confused yet happy, annoyed but fine, jealous but doing the same thing, content yet still wanting more, a tango dancer with caleb! that was fun.
bye bye chicago.
Tuesday, February 17, 2004
Who-knows-really
what i want, where i want to go, what i need, what i believe, what i want to be, what i am...
I'm just trying to decide.
Note: the research paper is over, whew. i think my paper turned out very nice thanks to many college students and a few of my friends.
what i want, where i want to go, what i need, what i believe, what i want to be, what i am...
I'm just trying to decide.
Note: the research paper is over, whew. i think my paper turned out very nice thanks to many college students and a few of my friends.
Saturday, February 14, 2004
It's a silly time to learn to swim when you start to drown
man my research paper sucks. i need to learn how to write.
man my research paper sucks. i need to learn how to write.
Thursday, February 12, 2004
VACATION
i am going to visit my sister in Michigan until monday. i am very excited. i will miss you all. however, i will be working on my research paper much of the time becuase it sucks. i didnt think i was that bad of a writer until other students, good writers, and good teachers, made me realize what a piece of crap my essay on The Great Gatsby is.
Please feel free to continue to comment on my last entry as i would like to get as much feedback as possible on that subject.
i am going to visit my sister in Michigan until monday. i am very excited. i will miss you all. however, i will be working on my research paper much of the time becuase it sucks. i didnt think i was that bad of a writer until other students, good writers, and good teachers, made me realize what a piece of crap my essay on The Great Gatsby is.
Please feel free to continue to comment on my last entry as i would like to get as much feedback as possible on that subject.
Sunday, February 08, 2004
Things Happen for a Reason
i met two amazing people tonight. they changed a lot of my views on God, religion, Jesus, heaven, and everything. Becuase of all of my debate and questions, they said i should be a lawyer. We talked for over an hour. I hope my title is true, what do you think? do you think everything happens for a reason? do you think if people are good people but dont believe, they can still go to heaven? i would like to get everyones opinion on anything near this subject. religious views, life in general, anything! thank you ahead of time for your comments.
i met two amazing people tonight. they changed a lot of my views on God, religion, Jesus, heaven, and everything. Becuase of all of my debate and questions, they said i should be a lawyer. We talked for over an hour. I hope my title is true, what do you think? do you think everything happens for a reason? do you think if people are good people but dont believe, they can still go to heaven? i would like to get everyones opinion on anything near this subject. religious views, life in general, anything! thank you ahead of time for your comments.
well, its been awhile. anyway, last night was the benifit show and it was a blast.
I had just gotten home from a trip to NAU with choir where i learned a lot about a lot of different people. We got a superior (1) on the jazz set and then a 2 on the madrigal (classical) set. i was pissed, we deserved a 1.
so as soon as i got home i got ready to go to the show. I had a fun time singing and i think the audience enjoyed it but i didnt get to sing my favorite song. oh well. i dont understand why he hates me. oh well. Thanks to everyone who gave me the thumbs up =)
I had just gotten home from a trip to NAU with choir where i learned a lot about a lot of different people. We got a superior (1) on the jazz set and then a 2 on the madrigal (classical) set. i was pissed, we deserved a 1.
so as soon as i got home i got ready to go to the show. I had a fun time singing and i think the audience enjoyed it but i didnt get to sing my favorite song. oh well. i dont understand why he hates me. oh well. Thanks to everyone who gave me the thumbs up =)
Monday, February 02, 2004
what a waste of a half day. i didnt catch up on any homework. i didnt do any laundry or clean. all i did was practice and get madder and madder at myself.
Saturday, January 31, 2004
i have finally filled a gap, answered the questions and resolved what there was to relating to that gap. a new feeling of emptiness is now present. time will tell.
i wrote a new song. tell me what you think by clicking on lyrics.
i wrote a new song. tell me what you think by clicking on lyrics.
Friday, January 30, 2004
AN EVEN SICKER DAY
My body aches. i was planning on going to school today, but i woke up at 2 o clock in the morning, and didnt fall back asleep till nearly 5. i turned to the side, other side, on my stomach, on my back, sat up, and nothing was comfortable. Everything made me either dizzy or stuffy or made me feel like i needed to throw up. well enough complaining. i just hope this ends soon.
My body aches. i was planning on going to school today, but i woke up at 2 o clock in the morning, and didnt fall back asleep till nearly 5. i turned to the side, other side, on my stomach, on my back, sat up, and nothing was comfortable. Everything made me either dizzy or stuffy or made me feel like i needed to throw up. well enough complaining. i just hope this ends soon.
Thursday, January 29, 2004
Sick Day
my face hurts. i think i went through at least 80 tissues and had to cover my face after 5 sneezes or more.
you know what is the weirdest feeling in the world? when your foot falls asleep. like all the way. i couldnt even walk. i dont think my foot has ever been so sleepy. its still tingly.
ALTO! EN EL NOMBRE DE AMOR! ANTES DE TU ROMPE MI CORAZON!
my face hurts. i think i went through at least 80 tissues and had to cover my face after 5 sneezes or more.
you know what is the weirdest feeling in the world? when your foot falls asleep. like all the way. i couldnt even walk. i dont think my foot has ever been so sleepy. its still tingly.
ALTO! EN EL NOMBRE DE AMOR! ANTES DE TU ROMPE MI CORAZON!
Tuesday, January 27, 2004
This damn record keeps breaking
i set myself up for failure too often. I'm sorry, i know i dont deserve another chance, or you for that matter. i am selfish and lonely probably becuase of that.
stupid leah, up until 12:30, gathering memories for no purpose.
i set myself up for failure too often. I'm sorry, i know i dont deserve another chance, or you for that matter. i am selfish and lonely probably becuase of that.
stupid leah, up until 12:30, gathering memories for no purpose.
Monday, January 26, 2004
We should determine our own happiness. We shouldnt let things on the outside have so much affect inside. I think teenagers, especially, make things worse for themselves. I do it too...one thing goes wrong and im like well screw it, it'll just be a bad day. then everything that normally wouldnt be so bad turns out worse. Looking over my day today, it was pretty good. I mean, compared to people where a good day is when their father doesnt beat them, or they get to eat. I complain way to much. I was pretty upset this morning, becuase i didnt make regional choir. i was really looking forward to it. I made it last year, i thought there was no way i wouldnt make it. I think it's worse when you expect good things too. Other than that though, and waking up late and looking like trash, nothing really went too wrong. But becuase those things happened in the morning, i took things personally when i shouldnt have, which made me be rude to people when i shouldnt have. yeah, thats the end of my story or theory or whatever.
Sunday, January 25, 2004
"You're so tired of the straight line, that everywhere you turn, there's vultures and thieves at your back."
"please remember, our time together, when time was yours and mine and we were wild and free. please remember, please remember, me."
it's sad i cannot be trusted. it's sad i cannot be taken seriously. sad and irritating. whateva.
"please remember, our time together, when time was yours and mine and we were wild and free. please remember, please remember, me."
it's sad i cannot be trusted. it's sad i cannot be taken seriously. sad and irritating. whateva.
Friday, January 23, 2004
i'll walk real slow, so that, if you want, you can catch up to me.
i'll hesitate, so that, if you want, you can stop me from leaving.
i'll take my time, just in case you change your mind.
i'll look down, so that, if you want, you can brighten my day.
i'll take my time, so that if you want, i'll stay.
i'll hesitate, so that, if you want, you can stop me from leaving.
i'll take my time, just in case you change your mind.
i'll look down, so that, if you want, you can brighten my day.
i'll take my time, so that if you want, i'll stay.
Thursday, January 22, 2004
A Spelling Bee at the Dinner Table
i had a nice family dinner tonight, i hadn't in a while. My fifth grade brother was asking me how to spell things and then correcting me. oh well, he doesnt know what palliate means. Me and Daniel, on the other hand, do.
becuase after dinner, my sister and i met daniel at starbucks. i think that was the most fun i have EVER had studying for a vocab quiz. =)
i had a nice family dinner tonight, i hadn't in a while. My fifth grade brother was asking me how to spell things and then correcting me. oh well, he doesnt know what palliate means. Me and Daniel, on the other hand, do.
becuase after dinner, my sister and i met daniel at starbucks. i think that was the most fun i have EVER had studying for a vocab quiz. =)
Wednesday, January 21, 2004
wOw,
when other people become happy, i become even more sad. how lame. Don't think less of me, becuase i know everyone can sometimes feel this way. i just, dont want to. i think i am being selfish, or rather i know i am. i know things wont work out for me. geez. and i hope they do for you, but, well, i suppose i am just jealous. yes, thats it. Is being jealous selfish? i am not sure. probably. I am too competitive with things. Why cant i look like that, why cant i sing like that, why cant i write like that, why cant i.....well why cant i be happy with myself?
when other people become happy, i become even more sad. how lame. Don't think less of me, becuase i know everyone can sometimes feel this way. i just, dont want to. i think i am being selfish, or rather i know i am. i know things wont work out for me. geez. and i hope they do for you, but, well, i suppose i am just jealous. yes, thats it. Is being jealous selfish? i am not sure. probably. I am too competitive with things. Why cant i look like that, why cant i sing like that, why cant i write like that, why cant i.....well why cant i be happy with myself?
Tuesday, January 20, 2004
False Advertisement
So i had a pretty good weekend. Let's see, my vonderful voice teacher was in town so i spent some time with her. (she taught me for like 3 years and was like a second mother to me, and she moved to canada). So anyway, i saw her on friday night after my basketball game, and then on saturday she gave me a lesson and we went shopping. i love that lady. I then went to the orthodontist where i found out I GET MY BRACES OFF IN A MONTH. woo woo.
On Saturday and Sunday i hung out with the gang at Denny's and had as much fun as usual. I love going there. On Sunday i even played a homeless man's guitar there.
I am happy. I love my friends. Yet, i still want more. I want that someone. Or even A someone. Just once, i want it to work out and last.
So i had a pretty good weekend. Let's see, my vonderful voice teacher was in town so i spent some time with her. (she taught me for like 3 years and was like a second mother to me, and she moved to canada). So anyway, i saw her on friday night after my basketball game, and then on saturday she gave me a lesson and we went shopping. i love that lady. I then went to the orthodontist where i found out I GET MY BRACES OFF IN A MONTH. woo woo.
On Saturday and Sunday i hung out with the gang at Denny's and had as much fun as usual. I love going there. On Sunday i even played a homeless man's guitar there.
I am happy. I love my friends. Yet, i still want more. I want that someone. Or even A someone. Just once, i want it to work out and last.
Thursday, January 15, 2004
Little things are annoying me. and that annoys me. back to what i said yesterday, i really need to not think too hard about dumb things. i know she/he didnt mean it that way. i know they dont try to flaunt it right in front of me. i know she/he is not trying to make me jealous. and i know she/he is not mad at me. but i'm not positive. and i know i'm being selfish and rude and snappy. and i am sorry.
Wednesday, January 14, 2004
A loss of confidence...
in my music, looks, intelligence, etc
i cant think too much, it makes me want to cry. i used to be more happy with who i was. now i just feel i am not enough.
in my music, looks, intelligence, etc
i cant think too much, it makes me want to cry. i used to be more happy with who i was. now i just feel i am not enough.
Monday, January 12, 2004
Procrastination
yup. that is what is going on. i think i have read more journals tonight than usual when i dont have any homework.
yup. i am trying to think of things i could say.
yup. the same thing happened today as it does everyday.
i was sad a little, annoyed a little, alone a little, stressed a little, happy a little, had fun a little, ate a little, ha oh wait, that never happens, but it did today. but other than that nooooooothing is going on.
i want something. unique. i want to feel special and important to someone. and a hot muscular rich smart cute loving boy could be up for that role. no i am just joking. but seriously, i am sick of not knowing, and immature "relationships." i want something substantial. i want someone, who can keep me interested and who i really really like, to feel the same way about me, and i want to be sure of that. is that wanting too much?
yup. that is what is going on. i think i have read more journals tonight than usual when i dont have any homework.
yup. i am trying to think of things i could say.
yup. the same thing happened today as it does everyday.
i was sad a little, annoyed a little, alone a little, stressed a little, happy a little, had fun a little, ate a little, ha oh wait, that never happens, but it did today. but other than that nooooooothing is going on.
i want something. unique. i want to feel special and important to someone. and a hot muscular rich smart cute loving boy could be up for that role. no i am just joking. but seriously, i am sick of not knowing, and immature "relationships." i want something substantial. i want someone, who can keep me interested and who i really really like, to feel the same way about me, and i want to be sure of that. is that wanting too much?
Sunday, January 11, 2004
heyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy
okay so.... um yeah. they are together, pch, who cares.
people are selfish. i am selfish. why do i still care for you? i cant figure it out! i dont even think about you any other time, then as soon as i see you i want to be with you. whatever.
i miss my best friend. i love her.
i hope i am visible this week. to you and you and you.
oh i forgot to say i made the school play. i am not the lead but my character has a name, yay. last year i was a beach/ ball go-er.
okay so.... um yeah. they are together, pch, who cares.
people are selfish. i am selfish. why do i still care for you? i cant figure it out! i dont even think about you any other time, then as soon as i see you i want to be with you. whatever.
i miss my best friend. i love her.
i hope i am visible this week. to you and you and you.
oh i forgot to say i made the school play. i am not the lead but my character has a name, yay. last year i was a beach/ ball go-er.
Saturday, January 10, 2004
IM BREAKING OUT
no, not out of any shell. on my forehead! as if the balls there aren't distracting enough. grrr. (song: i'm breaking out, dont want the world to know, dont wanna let it show, im breakin out oh yeah) i guess i shouldnt be saying that if i dont want it to be noticable. darn
um i have a list of things i want to do, to make my life less boring. i reeeallly, like fo sho, am going to start eating healthy...soon.
no, not out of any shell. on my forehead! as if the balls there aren't distracting enough. grrr. (song: i'm breaking out, dont want the world to know, dont wanna let it show, im breakin out oh yeah) i guess i shouldnt be saying that if i dont want it to be noticable. darn
um i have a list of things i want to do, to make my life less boring. i reeeallly, like fo sho, am going to start eating healthy...soon.
Thursday, January 08, 2004
a broken record
nothing is going on. i was on the verge of tears today, just becuase of something really little. i did, however, have a few good talks with a few good people. It sounds like some people are going through the same thing, or have been through it.
i dont know what is wrong with me. i just want something to happen to me. something good, and unpredicted. i feel as though i am just... there.
i wrote a new song. (click on lyrics if you want to read it)
nothing is going on. i was on the verge of tears today, just becuase of something really little. i did, however, have a few good talks with a few good people. It sounds like some people are going through the same thing, or have been through it.
i dont know what is wrong with me. i just want something to happen to me. something good, and unpredicted. i feel as though i am just... there.
i wrote a new song. (click on lyrics if you want to read it)
Wednesday, January 07, 2004
i was invisible again today. they didnt even wait for me. i was almost left in the dark again. he threw paper at me like i was not there. he didnt speak to me, and hasnt yet. oh wait, he did tell me to shut up yesterday.
i think i did my make up wrong today or something becuase more than 2 people asked me what was wrong, before anything was. maybe im just usually more smiley or something...?
Happy Birthday to my mother and many others.
i think i did my make up wrong today or something becuase more than 2 people asked me what was wrong, before anything was. maybe im just usually more smiley or something...?
Happy Birthday to my mother and many others.
Tuesday, January 06, 2004
UPDATES
*yeah, well i think this semester is going to be a lot harder.
*i tried out for the school musical, i kinda hope i get a part =), but im not sure because i would be overwhelmed
*my knee hurts, actually both do. i fell really hard in basketball.
*it is : mom, neil, alex, nick, katie, ricardo, and probably more people's birthday tomorrow
*I'm bored. with everything. i want to sleep.
*yeah, well i think this semester is going to be a lot harder.
*i tried out for the school musical, i kinda hope i get a part =), but im not sure because i would be overwhelmed
*my knee hurts, actually both do. i fell really hard in basketball.
*it is : mom, neil, alex, nick, katie, ricardo, and probably more people's birthday tomorrow
*I'm bored. with everything. i want to sleep.
Sunday, January 04, 2004
NO NO NOT SCHOOL AGAIN!
I had a very fun winter break. Meeting new friends, re-hanging out with old ones, was a blast.
On the side:
Man, you are so cocky. I cannot believe you thought i was stupid for thinking that you liked me. What? I cannot believe how you can think some people are just so nice, to find out they really arent. oh no. also, i cannot believe i dont even care. I dont make sense to myself. The things that people have done to me, that i just forget and forgive, probably should hurt more than they do, or than i let them. hm, yeah i dont even know where i am going with this. I guess i am glad that i am the way i am. if i wasnt then why would you say i am... (just joking)
I had a very fun winter break. Meeting new friends, re-hanging out with old ones, was a blast.
On the side:
Man, you are so cocky. I cannot believe you thought i was stupid for thinking that you liked me. What? I cannot believe how you can think some people are just so nice, to find out they really arent. oh no. also, i cannot believe i dont even care. I dont make sense to myself. The things that people have done to me, that i just forget and forgive, probably should hurt more than they do, or than i let them. hm, yeah i dont even know where i am going with this. I guess i am glad that i am the way i am. if i wasnt then why would you say i am... (just joking)
Saturday, January 03, 2004
I'm fine. I think and worry too much. I am content. I'm scared to want more. I am not sure if I deserve more.
I like being friends. I like having guy friends. It's so much less complicated then worrying about a relationship. Yes, i am content.
I like being friends. I like having guy friends. It's so much less complicated then worrying about a relationship. Yes, i am content.
Thursday, January 01, 2004
I feel like crying, for no real reason. i feel really untalented, and unworthy of anyone and thing. i just want to be with someone. i overanalyze things. I annoy myself. i already broke my resolution, with this entry, and with the cookies i ate this morning, i also had pizza at 2 in the AM. i hope the rest of 2004 wont feel like this.sorry for complaining too much; sorry for calling too much; sorry for caring too much.
on repeat: and i dont want the world to see me, cuz i dont think that they'd understand, and when everything's made to be broken, i just want you to know who i am.
on repeat: and i dont want the world to see me, cuz i dont think that they'd understand, and when everything's made to be broken, i just want you to know who i am.
Wednesday, December 31, 2003
new years eve song:
im a loser baby, so why dont you kill me.
no, i dont really want to die, its a song. yes i feel like a loser. you'd think invisibility would be cool...
2003: i probably had a lot of highs but a few of the worst lows of my life.
2004: my plan is to eat healthier and be more cheerful; see the positive side of things.
im a loser baby, so why dont you kill me.
no, i dont really want to die, its a song. yes i feel like a loser. you'd think invisibility would be cool...
2003: i probably had a lot of highs but a few of the worst lows of my life.
2004: my plan is to eat healthier and be more cheerful; see the positive side of things.
Tuesday, December 30, 2003
my nights have continued to be extremely fun! yay! i miss daniel though!
christie is awesome, i love that girl. i love chasity, and felicia, and ERIN (we finally hung out tonight), and sara, and katie, and everyone. i love all my friends. they are so amazing.
i got a secret: I'm not sure how i feel about him. I would be completely happy with just friends.
christie is awesome, i love that girl. i love chasity, and felicia, and ERIN (we finally hung out tonight), and sara, and katie, and everyone. i love all my friends. they are so amazing.
i got a secret: I'm not sure how i feel about him. I would be completely happy with just friends.
Monday, December 29, 2003
well i worked for 4 hours this morning and have been awake for 5. thats just wrong. ( oh its like 8:30)
Sunday, December 28, 2003
no really...I dont care
well tonight was a pretty fun night seeing GREASE, and singing love shack on the way home. however, there is now a dent in my digital camera that i got for christmas. i vow never to drop it again!
i dont care. no seriously, i dont even, ya know, whatever.
well tonight was a pretty fun night seeing GREASE, and singing love shack on the way home. however, there is now a dent in my digital camera that i got for christmas. i vow never to drop it again!
i dont care. no seriously, i dont even, ya know, whatever.
Saturday, December 27, 2003
Eighths
daddy's smokin on his cigar
youre telling me i wont get far
but i dont think you understand
miles and dimes are insignificant
so why dont you just lend a hand
cuz i've already been the distance
and i am a birthday balloon
and you are the needle
so spin me around and cover my eyes
twirl me around and cover my eyes
one more time now make me blind
knock me off my feet again now please
hold me then let me go
lead me to more than hope
rip my jeans but dont leave me jaded
youre telling me weve already faded
but i dont think you comprehend
my mind my side my beliefs my way
so why dont you just be a friend
and listen like you didnt that day
and i am a wedding cake
and you are the knife
so cut me in eighths and pass me around
cut me again and pass me around
leave me unable to be found
knock me off my feet again now please
hold me then let me go
lead me to more than hope
-leah koestner
Late
i woke up yesterday at 3:45 in the AM to be at work at 4:20, crazy huh? then i was supposed to open today at 7:30, yyyyeah, didnt wake up until 8:15, i hope i dont get fired. i am also supposed to open tomorrow at 9:30 which isnt too bad, but then again on monday at 4:20. i hope i get some sleep next week at least.
read my other songs by clicking lyrics.
daddy's smokin on his cigar
youre telling me i wont get far
but i dont think you understand
miles and dimes are insignificant
so why dont you just lend a hand
cuz i've already been the distance
and i am a birthday balloon
and you are the needle
so spin me around and cover my eyes
twirl me around and cover my eyes
one more time now make me blind
knock me off my feet again now please
hold me then let me go
lead me to more than hope
rip my jeans but dont leave me jaded
youre telling me weve already faded
but i dont think you comprehend
my mind my side my beliefs my way
so why dont you just be a friend
and listen like you didnt that day
and i am a wedding cake
and you are the knife
so cut me in eighths and pass me around
cut me again and pass me around
leave me unable to be found
knock me off my feet again now please
hold me then let me go
lead me to more than hope
-leah koestner
Late
i woke up yesterday at 3:45 in the AM to be at work at 4:20, crazy huh? then i was supposed to open today at 7:30, yyyyeah, didnt wake up until 8:15, i hope i dont get fired. i am also supposed to open tomorrow at 9:30 which isnt too bad, but then again on monday at 4:20. i hope i get some sleep next week at least.
read my other songs by clicking lyrics.
Friday, December 26, 2003
There's more than blood that beats through my heart
Well it's official. i am one of those dumb girls. dag nam it.
i did have a wonderful night though. oh man, am i clueless...
2 points, we always end up in the same boat. What is with us? =)
Well it's official. i am one of those dumb girls. dag nam it.
i did have a wonderful night though. oh man, am i clueless...
2 points, we always end up in the same boat. What is with us? =)
Thursday, December 25, 2003
Merry Christmas
Be joyful! I wish i were just a tid bit more. I mean, instead of doing something with my family, i am on the computer. my parents are resting, my sister is sleeping, my other sister is playing the piano, and my little brother is out playing with the neighborhood kids. This is the first year we havent gone to Christmas mass. We did go last night though. My sister threw up in the car on the way over, so we decided it was best to stay home. This Christmas seems very different. My brother is questioning the existence of Santa Claus, we aren't going to visit GG, and we arent going to see nana or papa.
However, the presents were wonderful! I couldn't believe my eyes at how many presents were under the tree! I felt so blessed and so guilty that many people dont have the wonderful life i am lucky to have. I got a digital camera!! woohoo! I am soooo excited to use it! I also received many awesome gifts from friends like chasity and felicia and shanda and katie and erin and erin. Seriously, everyone's friendship is gift enough for me. Winter break has been perfect so far.
Be joyful! I wish i were just a tid bit more. I mean, instead of doing something with my family, i am on the computer. my parents are resting, my sister is sleeping, my other sister is playing the piano, and my little brother is out playing with the neighborhood kids. This is the first year we havent gone to Christmas mass. We did go last night though. My sister threw up in the car on the way over, so we decided it was best to stay home. This Christmas seems very different. My brother is questioning the existence of Santa Claus, we aren't going to visit GG, and we arent going to see nana or papa.
However, the presents were wonderful! I couldn't believe my eyes at how many presents were under the tree! I felt so blessed and so guilty that many people dont have the wonderful life i am lucky to have. I got a digital camera!! woohoo! I am soooo excited to use it! I also received many awesome gifts from friends like chasity and felicia and shanda and katie and erin and erin. Seriously, everyone's friendship is gift enough for me. Winter break has been perfect so far.
Wednesday, December 24, 2003
you'd think that being christmas time and all, everything would be happy, and everyone would be forgiving and joyful. ya, no. everything gets more stressful! oh well...
you're cute.
"i wanna buy these shoes for mama for christmas, but i dont have enough money, but i want mama to look beautiful in these shoes, incase she meets jesus tonight." actually thats not a direct quote. but my dad and i were kinda laughing at the guy that wrote the song that went something like that, thinking aww thats sweet but it probably didnt happen. the guy probably just made it up thinking aw this will make people cry. also, why shoes? maybe it did happen, becuase you would think a little boy would want to buy his mom a bracelet or something.
merry christmas eve
you're cute.
"i wanna buy these shoes for mama for christmas, but i dont have enough money, but i want mama to look beautiful in these shoes, incase she meets jesus tonight." actually thats not a direct quote. but my dad and i were kinda laughing at the guy that wrote the song that went something like that, thinking aww thats sweet but it probably didnt happen. the guy probably just made it up thinking aw this will make people cry. also, why shoes? maybe it did happen, becuase you would think a little boy would want to buy his mom a bracelet or something.
merry christmas eve
TSS
i fell asleep on the couch last night, oh well.
FUN
Last night was so fun, i love winter break! Me and Chas and Felicia exchanged gifts and then I almost followed Felicia all the way to Tempe for no reason! Instead we went to the mall and I gave Christie her gift, cuz she was already there! Thennnnnn, we went and picked up Daniel's gift and gave it to him. It was awesome. It consisted of: tortillas, carrot juice, bubbles, cereal, baby food, socks, and other random fun things! yay!
i fell asleep on the couch last night, oh well.
FUN
Last night was so fun, i love winter break! Me and Chas and Felicia exchanged gifts and then I almost followed Felicia all the way to Tempe for no reason! Instead we went to the mall and I gave Christie her gift, cuz she was already there! Thennnnnn, we went and picked up Daniel's gift and gave it to him. It was awesome. It consisted of: tortillas, carrot juice, bubbles, cereal, baby food, socks, and other random fun things! yay!
Monday, December 22, 2003
friends friends friends friends
girl, what are you doin? i do not know.
whats going on? i dont know.
what do they think? i dont know.
What do you think? i do not know.
so far winter break has been pretty fun. im not doing anything wrong and im having fun. i've been hanging out with lots of people that i normally dont. its really cool. now that shes gone the other one has no one to hang out with so she calls me, but im already busy. sorry girl.
girl, what are you doin? i do not know.
whats going on? i dont know.
what do they think? i dont know.
What do you think? i do not know.
so far winter break has been pretty fun. im not doing anything wrong and im having fun. i've been hanging out with lots of people that i normally dont. its really cool. now that shes gone the other one has no one to hang out with so she calls me, but im already busy. sorry girl.
Saturday, December 20, 2003
Leah Leah Leah...
i like the way you smile, talk, laugh, sing, joke, kind-of-dance, etc. i liked it when you looked at me. i liked it when you put your arms around me. im not sure how i felt. im not sure how you wanted me to feel. and im not sure if i just liked those things, or if i liked those things because you were doing them. i hope that makes sense.
why do guys refer to their gf as "well im gonna hang out with my girlfriend." especially if i know who that girl is. Like one guy said "tell my girlfriend i said hi" when i was hanging out with her that night. im like um obviously we're friends so i know that you two are dating! or even if im not friends with the girl but im good friends with the guy to the point that i know his girlfriends name. like why not just say well im hanging out with katie*, i know shes your girlfriend by now. geeeeeeeez. why is everyone a couple?!
i want to go on a date. a real one. =) i asked out four boys on wednesday and they all shot me down. it was sort of a joke though (you may not believe that though).
i like the way you smile, talk, laugh, sing, joke, kind-of-dance, etc. i liked it when you looked at me. i liked it when you put your arms around me. im not sure how i felt. im not sure how you wanted me to feel. and im not sure if i just liked those things, or if i liked those things because you were doing them. i hope that makes sense.
why do guys refer to their gf as "well im gonna hang out with my girlfriend." especially if i know who that girl is. Like one guy said "tell my girlfriend i said hi" when i was hanging out with her that night. im like um obviously we're friends so i know that you two are dating! or even if im not friends with the girl but im good friends with the guy to the point that i know his girlfriends name. like why not just say well im hanging out with katie*, i know shes your girlfriend by now. geeeeeeeez. why is everyone a couple?!
i want to go on a date. a real one. =) i asked out four boys on wednesday and they all shot me down. it was sort of a joke though (you may not believe that though).
Zero Unread Messages
i hope i do something fun tonight
i hope i do something fun tonight
Friday, December 19, 2003
Kick in the Face
yeah. ummm. i wore an ugly outfit tonight. i dont really know what else to say, tonight was not too fun. i felt like an intruder. why dont i know the secrets? why isnt it like it was before? i was with them, but i was alone. um, yeah. i also felt dumb for another reason. i think i truly am a loner. ha. I did get free sonic though =)
thank you chas for calling me! i hope you gave them the paper plate !
song: give up the grudge, shut your f*ckin mouth, why you gotta judge everbody but yourself?
yeah. ummm. i wore an ugly outfit tonight. i dont really know what else to say, tonight was not too fun. i felt like an intruder. why dont i know the secrets? why isnt it like it was before? i was with them, but i was alone. um, yeah. i also felt dumb for another reason. i think i truly am a loner. ha. I did get free sonic though =)
thank you chas for calling me! i hope you gave them the paper plate !
song: give up the grudge, shut your f*ckin mouth, why you gotta judge everbody but yourself?
Wednesday, December 17, 2003
yay for a break!
i did a lot of shopping today.
at safeway, i saw a homeless man on a bike. i reached for my pocket to get the extra change i received at target (assuming he might ask). when he did, i gave it to him, he said thanks. i noticed he was smoking, smiled and said, "now dont you spend that on cigarettes." I walked into the store before hearing his explanation, something about oh no he doesnt smoke he just picks up the buds... ha oh well.
Today was a pretty good day. i was in a joyful, giving mood. I'm excited to see my real friends enjoy the presents i got them. but she better not be disappointed =) some may know...
i did a lot of shopping today.
at safeway, i saw a homeless man on a bike. i reached for my pocket to get the extra change i received at target (assuming he might ask). when he did, i gave it to him, he said thanks. i noticed he was smoking, smiled and said, "now dont you spend that on cigarettes." I walked into the store before hearing his explanation, something about oh no he doesnt smoke he just picks up the buds... ha oh well.
Today was a pretty good day. i was in a joyful, giving mood. I'm excited to see my real friends enjoy the presents i got them. but she better not be disappointed =) some may know...
Tuesday, December 16, 2003
title
yes those days where i really didnt feel like doing my homework and wanted to say, screw it, but still did it, finally pay off. in my three core classes i only need a 40-60% (depending on the class) to keep my A. however, keeping this in mind makes me not want to study. but i really dont know anything, so i have to at least study 60% of it, which i really dont want to do.
i am so excited to be out of school for a few weeks. i really need a break. and im so glad that its not like middle school where they would assign you a project over the break. its a real break from everything, and everyone that i need one from. Over winter break my eighth grade year, i hung out with the same girl everyday. i really hope i dont do that this year. there are so many people that i want to hang out with outside of school, that i usually dont get a chance to call on weekends. im excited.
by looking at how this entry is written, readers are probably like, she gets A's????? =)
yes those days where i really didnt feel like doing my homework and wanted to say, screw it, but still did it, finally pay off. in my three core classes i only need a 40-60% (depending on the class) to keep my A. however, keeping this in mind makes me not want to study. but i really dont know anything, so i have to at least study 60% of it, which i really dont want to do.
i am so excited to be out of school for a few weeks. i really need a break. and im so glad that its not like middle school where they would assign you a project over the break. its a real break from everything, and everyone that i need one from. Over winter break my eighth grade year, i hung out with the same girl everyday. i really hope i dont do that this year. there are so many people that i want to hang out with outside of school, that i usually dont get a chance to call on weekends. im excited.
by looking at how this entry is written, readers are probably like, she gets A's????? =)
Sunday, December 14, 2003
Listen to The First
Last night was probably the most fun i've had in so long. It's so amazing how music can be such a release from everything, an escape from yourself, and the world.
The Show: I was a bit disappointed in my performance becuase i started to get super nervous which makes my voice shaky. eric impressed me with his guitar playing. i didnt know mikeeeeee had such a good voice. Eddie and Mikee together were amazing and complimented each other perfectly. Eddie's voice has improved dramatically and his lyrics and guitar playing, strangely improved so much too ( i didnt think it was possible!). All in all, i loved it.
After a bunch of us went to Denny's and it was so fun. Except i got ketchep right on my bottom which is not a good place for ketchup. I also got like one drop of ketchup on Daniel's knee (like you couldnt even see it) and he flipped out and made me buy him a stupid shake. =) haha.
Then we saw a movie at the dollar theater for free anyway, and had fun waking up a drunk guy.
i want more saturdays to be like this
Last night was probably the most fun i've had in so long. It's so amazing how music can be such a release from everything, an escape from yourself, and the world.
The Show: I was a bit disappointed in my performance becuase i started to get super nervous which makes my voice shaky. eric impressed me with his guitar playing. i didnt know mikeeeeee had such a good voice. Eddie and Mikee together were amazing and complimented each other perfectly. Eddie's voice has improved dramatically and his lyrics and guitar playing, strangely improved so much too ( i didnt think it was possible!). All in all, i loved it.
After a bunch of us went to Denny's and it was so fun. Except i got ketchep right on my bottom which is not a good place for ketchup. I also got like one drop of ketchup on Daniel's knee (like you couldnt even see it) and he flipped out and made me buy him a stupid shake. =) haha.
Then we saw a movie at the dollar theater for free anyway, and had fun waking up a drunk guy.
i want more saturdays to be like this
Wednesday, December 10, 2003
I hate looking back on my day and realizing that I shouldnt have said and done so many things like i did.
I've never been on the other side of the (insert here whatever it is that ends this saying). It's hard for me to understand that people are just offended and feel inferior when i offer help. It's hard for me not to get frusterated with them. I'm really disappointed in myself for not noticing that i am a bitch in many situations.
I've never been on the other side of the (insert here whatever it is that ends this saying). It's hard for me to understand that people are just offended and feel inferior when i offer help. It's hard for me not to get frusterated with them. I'm really disappointed in myself for not noticing that i am a bitch in many situations.
Tuesday, December 09, 2003
The Incident of the Day
i walk over to some girls talking trash about homosexuals. and one girl said she doesnt want them at our school. as i overhear this and say, "umm what?" the other girl was going to explain to me what they were talking about while the first one said, "no, no, unitown, remember." and the second girl stopped.
i'm not sure what to think of this. im glad she knows not to say stuff like that around me, but still she said it, and i heard it.
i walk over to some girls talking trash about homosexuals. and one girl said she doesnt want them at our school. as i overhear this and say, "umm what?" the other girl was going to explain to me what they were talking about while the first one said, "no, no, unitown, remember." and the second girl stopped.
i'm not sure what to think of this. im glad she knows not to say stuff like that around me, but still she said it, and i heard it.
Sunday, December 07, 2003
what are you talking about?
i really need to go christmas shopping. excluding family, its so hard to decide who to buy presents for, and how much to spend on them. i dont want to buy something for someone if they dont even see me as a good friend. and i dont want someone to get something for me without me getting something for them. i dont want to spend too much money either. i think i will probably only get like 2 people gifts, and they will probably be sentimental and not material things. no, probaly like 10 people, cuz some people i dont even mind if they dont care for me like i do them, i want them to know that i do care. ya. so theyll get a fricken present whether they like it or not, so there.
its so weird when i argue with myself.
i really need to go christmas shopping. excluding family, its so hard to decide who to buy presents for, and how much to spend on them. i dont want to buy something for someone if they dont even see me as a good friend. and i dont want someone to get something for me without me getting something for them. i dont want to spend too much money either. i think i will probably only get like 2 people gifts, and they will probably be sentimental and not material things. no, probaly like 10 people, cuz some people i dont even mind if they dont care for me like i do them, i want them to know that i do care. ya. so theyll get a fricken present whether they like it or not, so there.
its so weird when i argue with myself.
Saturday, December 06, 2003
you are significant, but im not all that you have imagined me to be
Sunday, November 30, 2003
i dont know how many people actually read this, but for all that do:
sorry i wont be updating anymore. or at least for a long while. goodbye.
sorry i wont be updating anymore. or at least for a long while. goodbye.
Saturday, November 29, 2003
i dont think my parents understand how good they have it. i am not a bad kid, damnit. i just want to leave everything. i want to screammmmmm
Friday, November 28, 2003
on my way home, i drove out of the way for about ten minutes just thinking and listening to jack johnson. one time, i just want to take my chances and blow past a stop sign and see if i get hit. i almost did that tonight, if i would have, it would have been okay. i hate it when im careful about certain things just to find out i didnt need to be.
Thursday, November 27, 2003
thanksgiving is so mofo-ing awesome. i love food, especially the gravy, you dont even need the turkey. =)
i am thankful for: family, friends, music, life, food, and especially YOU (who's ever reading this)! =)
i am thankful for: family, friends, music, life, food, and especially YOU (who's ever reading this)! =)
Tuesday, November 25, 2003
I FEEL...weird
this is going to be hard to explain, becuase i've never really felt like this before.
today i didnt want to talk to anyone, and i didnt want anyone to talk to me. although my "wish" didnt exactly come true, i felt so alone all day. i felt like i was on another level than everyone else, not necessarily lower but definitely not higher. i felt ugly, but didnt really care. i felt used, but again didnt care. i felt lonely and not special to anyone. i sat by myself at lunch just thinking about how i didnt want to do anything. laziness is taking over and i just want to sleep and dream about good things happening to me. i wore the shoes i got from target in the seventh grade. that one girl made fun of me for wearing them my freshman year becuase her mom had them. i kind of like them, but wish i would have worn socks. and then i saw your car and it made me smile. i dont know why though. after school i made brownies for my spanish class, that i HATE (esp the teacher). and now i am off to basketball, which i hate. "beautiful" by christina aguilera brings back happy memories from unitown that make me want to cry.
i feel like im going to collapse. i have no control of my legs. i stood in the same spot in my room for five minutes without moving, without even wiping the tear off of my cheek. what is wrong with me? i want you, whoever you are, to take me away. we won our game.
this is going to be hard to explain, becuase i've never really felt like this before.
today i didnt want to talk to anyone, and i didnt want anyone to talk to me. although my "wish" didnt exactly come true, i felt so alone all day. i felt like i was on another level than everyone else, not necessarily lower but definitely not higher. i felt ugly, but didnt really care. i felt used, but again didnt care. i felt lonely and not special to anyone. i sat by myself at lunch just thinking about how i didnt want to do anything. laziness is taking over and i just want to sleep and dream about good things happening to me. i wore the shoes i got from target in the seventh grade. that one girl made fun of me for wearing them my freshman year becuase her mom had them. i kind of like them, but wish i would have worn socks. and then i saw your car and it made me smile. i dont know why though. after school i made brownies for my spanish class, that i HATE (esp the teacher). and now i am off to basketball, which i hate. "beautiful" by christina aguilera brings back happy memories from unitown that make me want to cry.
i feel like im going to collapse. i have no control of my legs. i stood in the same spot in my room for five minutes without moving, without even wiping the tear off of my cheek. what is wrong with me? i want you, whoever you are, to take me away. we won our game.
Sunday, November 23, 2003
note: nov 22 was yesterday (saturday), so when i said last night in my last entry i meant friday.
Last night was fun shopping and eating with chas and felicia! except i bought a shirt for me and i intended on buying them both birthday gifts. they never found anything they wanted though! felicia, i know you read this, so um, girl, if you find anything you want, i will buy it, geez la weez. =)
when things suck, and everything seems to be going wrong, my dad always says "this too, will pass." Life is getting a little better. i was sick the past few days, but now i just have a cough. i think becuase i'm catching up in all my classes and my boy problems are at a minimum and im getting along with my friends, im just in a better mood. im trying not to worry about the minor things, and basically nothing is serious enough in my life to be major. im going to try to be happy-go-lucky and shrug off things and not take things personally. hopefully this phase will last awhile. or a while. is that how you spell while? awhile? its one word right? i hate when you look at words for too long and it freaks you out that youre spelling them wrong.
Last night was fun shopping and eating with chas and felicia! except i bought a shirt for me and i intended on buying them both birthday gifts. they never found anything they wanted though! felicia, i know you read this, so um, girl, if you find anything you want, i will buy it, geez la weez. =)
when things suck, and everything seems to be going wrong, my dad always says "this too, will pass." Life is getting a little better. i was sick the past few days, but now i just have a cough. i think becuase i'm catching up in all my classes and my boy problems are at a minimum and im getting along with my friends, im just in a better mood. im trying not to worry about the minor things, and basically nothing is serious enough in my life to be major. im going to try to be happy-go-lucky and shrug off things and not take things personally. hopefully this phase will last awhile. or a while. is that how you spell while? awhile? its one word right? i hate when you look at words for too long and it freaks you out that youre spelling them wrong.
Saturday, November 22, 2003
so this is going to sound really dumb, but i was so sad that - even though i went to bed at 10 last night - no one even called to hang out. i was like : im a loser baby, so why dont you kill me...
so, girl, who do you think you are? i hope you get screwwwwed over. how could you do this to me? how could you do this to him? how could you do this to her? how can you flaunt it in front of both of them? and do not cry to your friends for sympathy. you are one of the most selfish people ive ever met. im glad you only considered me a "big sister." i would hate it if i really were.
so, girl, who do you think you are? i hope you get screwwwwed over. how could you do this to me? how could you do this to him? how could you do this to her? how can you flaunt it in front of both of them? and do not cry to your friends for sympathy. you are one of the most selfish people ive ever met. im glad you only considered me a "big sister." i would hate it if i really were.
Friday, November 21, 2003
the convo between me and katie in vocal ensemble today:
whispering back and forth during warm ups
me- " i want some mrs grass's noodle soup."
her- "i want some ecstasy"
"i want some alcohol"
"i want weed"
"i want to have sex"
"me too."
it made me laugh.
today at the memorial i played jimmy eat world "hear you me" and my sister sang the harmony. now a bunch of family is over and i hear chatter chatter chatter and it is giving me the biggest headache EVER. i guess the game would be worse though, but i hope we win.
i want to sleep, and still want mrs. grass's noodle soup.
whispering back and forth during warm ups
me- " i want some mrs grass's noodle soup."
her- "i want some ecstasy"
"i want some alcohol"
"i want weed"
"i want to have sex"
"me too."
it made me laugh.
today at the memorial i played jimmy eat world "hear you me" and my sister sang the harmony. now a bunch of family is over and i hear chatter chatter chatter and it is giving me the biggest headache EVER. i guess the game would be worse though, but i hope we win.
i want to sleep, and still want mrs. grass's noodle soup.
Thursday, November 20, 2003
i had something so insightful today to post and i forgot it, damnit.
i dont feel so good. i think i might be getting strep throat, not cool. it hurts to sing. it hurts to practice for a funeral.
today in basketball i elbowed a girl that recently broke her nose in the nose.
mood: anything michelle branch
i dont feel so good. i think i might be getting strep throat, not cool. it hurts to sing. it hurts to practice for a funeral.
today in basketball i elbowed a girl that recently broke her nose in the nose.
mood: anything michelle branch
Tuesday, November 18, 2003
how can you see something in front of you and still trip over it? how can you miss something that was never really there? these questions boggle my mind. why do i do them both?
today in basketball the ball came flying at my face off the backboard, hit my face, and knocked me to the ground. it was sort of embarrasing
mood: jimmy eat world "your house"
today in basketball the ball came flying at my face off the backboard, hit my face, and knocked me to the ground. it was sort of embarrasing
mood: jimmy eat world "your house"
Sunday, November 16, 2003
i guess i feel a little better
this song is so pretty:
These wounds won't seem to heal,
this pain is just too real,
there's just too much that time cannot erase.
When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears,
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears.
I held your hand through all of these years.
But you still have...
All of me.
-evanecence
that and some other songs are repeating on my computer
this song is so pretty:
These wounds won't seem to heal,
this pain is just too real,
there's just too much that time cannot erase.
When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears,
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears.
I held your hand through all of these years.
But you still have...
All of me.
-evanecence
that and some other songs are repeating on my computer
Saturday, November 15, 2003
Wishing For Too Much
Last night i was having another bad night, becuase i am stupid, but anyway Chasity and Felicia cheered me up! It was wonderful blasting the music in my green van, dancing outside in the empty parking lot. Seriously, it was the most fun i've had in a while. i wish the night could have ended there
i wish i didnt care so much and i wish you didnt know that i do. i'm extremely disappointed in myself.
i wish i would have spent more time with her - GG passed away last night, the first person i really knew to go. i wrote a poem for her. its not the best but if you would like to you can read it by clicking on lyrics
Last night i was having another bad night, becuase i am stupid, but anyway Chasity and Felicia cheered me up! It was wonderful blasting the music in my green van, dancing outside in the empty parking lot. Seriously, it was the most fun i've had in a while. i wish the night could have ended there
i wish i didnt care so much and i wish you didnt know that i do. i'm extremely disappointed in myself.
i wish i would have spent more time with her - GG passed away last night, the first person i really knew to go. i wrote a poem for her. its not the best but if you would like to you can read it by clicking on lyrics
Thursday, November 13, 2003
my last entry was before i found out something else (bad). i cant take it anymore
today i heard something strange. someone said "i will threaten them with love." i didnt think much of it then but later the words wouldnt get out of my head. is love a threat to some people? is love a threat to me?
the game is over, you win.
today i heard something strange. someone said "i will threaten them with love." i didnt think much of it then but later the words wouldnt get out of my head. is love a threat to some people? is love a threat to me?
the game is over, you win.
Wednesday, November 12, 2003
life is harsh, reality hurts. (life and reality being interchangeable) everything is going downhill. bad news just keeps coming. im just trying to look forward to things getting better, which seems will never happen. trying to remember, people have it worse and that this is just a phase that will (hopefully) end soon.
Tuesday, November 11, 2003
UNITOWN WAS AWESOME AND AN AMAZING EXPERIENCE! I STRONGLY ADVISE EVERYONE TO GO!
i learned so much and hopefully i have changed. the hit of reality when i came home was harsh though, everything was so wonderful at camp.
whos got flavors now? just joking. in my dads words "well you can't really do anything but enjoy the good times and cry about the bad." yeeeeeah...
i learned so much and hopefully i have changed. the hit of reality when i came home was harsh though, everything was so wonderful at camp.
whos got flavors now? just joking. in my dads words "well you can't really do anything but enjoy the good times and cry about the bad." yeeeeeah...
Wednesday, November 05, 2003
awww volleyball's over =( we ended with a bad loss...
YAY i get to go to unitown!! woohoo, i hope i have fun!
for all you readers that check mine a lot becuase i update so frequently, i wont be here from thurs to sun =)
YAY i get to go to unitown!! woohoo, i hope i have fun!
for all you readers that check mine a lot becuase i update so frequently, i wont be here from thurs to sun =)
Sunday, November 02, 2003
you drive me crazy, it makes me laugh.
let's see... my weekend.... :
on halloween i came home earlier than my 12 year old little brother.
last night i came home earlier than my mom, my little sister, and my little brother.
sad thing is i didnt really catch up on sleep either.
on halloween i came home earlier than my 12 year old little brother.
last night i came home earlier than my mom, my little sister, and my little brother.
sad thing is i didnt really catch up on sleep either.
Wednesday, October 29, 2003
i was looking at one of those shirts the other day with all the different emotions on it and decided at no point in time could i just pick one. especially lately.
i feel... sad, enraged, disappointed, annoyed, confused yet excited, i dont know whats going to happen with anything right now.
family life doesnt look like its going to get any better soon
my papa will probably die within the next week, but who really knows =(
school is just annoying but i keep getting surpised with either a way higher or way lower grade than i expected on certain assignments.
with the boys- i dont know what the hell is going on.
i feel... sad, enraged, disappointed, annoyed, confused yet excited, i dont know whats going to happen with anything right now.
family life doesnt look like its going to get any better soon
my papa will probably die within the next week, but who really knows =(
school is just annoying but i keep getting surpised with either a way higher or way lower grade than i expected on certain assignments.
with the boys- i dont know what the hell is going on.
Tuesday, October 28, 2003
homecoming was a blast, thanks to my vonderful date, daniel! i had so much fun!
papa is sick, being home is not too fun.
we lost to fricken washington againnnnn! we should have won! (my passes were pretty good though =) )
um nothing really new is up, sorry for the boring entry.
papa is sick, being home is not too fun.
we lost to fricken washington againnnnn! we should have won! (my passes were pretty good though =) )
um nothing really new is up, sorry for the boring entry.
Saturday, October 25, 2003
yay! i can go to homecoming with daniel now! im so excited, and i didnt even have to blow off neil, which i would never do, he came to me; also my friend told me that he felt obligated to ask me or some shit like that, so im really glad im not going with him.
dif story: guys are so fucked up. say one thing, do another. whatever.
dif story: guys are so fucked up. say one thing, do another. whatever.
Wednesday, October 22, 2003
well ya know, i got dissed, im over it. i dont get to have as much fun as i would like to on saturday, and could with someone else, oh well. im getting really annoyed at some of even my good friends...eh.... home and work really are four letter words, *shrug*. people have it a lot worse than me.
i had a wonderful hour long phone conversation with a guy last night who i would totally like to get to know better. he's awesome. and no, i wont fall inlove with him =). he was telling me that he felt selfish for being nice to people, becuase he just wanted the love in return. he is one of the most selfless people i have ever met, he wants everyone to be happy, becuase he likes that feeling. i had never really talked to him more than about homework and stuff and after really talking to him once, i feel like i could learn so much from him.
song of the week:
why do you build me up, buttercup baby
just to let me down
mess me around ya
worst of all
ya never call baby when you say you will
but i need you still
i need you, more than anything darlin
ya know that i have from the start
so build me up,
buttercup,
dont break my heart
i had a wonderful hour long phone conversation with a guy last night who i would totally like to get to know better. he's awesome. and no, i wont fall inlove with him =). he was telling me that he felt selfish for being nice to people, becuase he just wanted the love in return. he is one of the most selfless people i have ever met, he wants everyone to be happy, becuase he likes that feeling. i had never really talked to him more than about homework and stuff and after really talking to him once, i feel like i could learn so much from him.
song of the week:
why do you build me up, buttercup baby
just to let me down
mess me around ya
worst of all
ya never call baby when you say you will
but i need you still
i need you, more than anything darlin
ya know that i have from the start
so build me up,
buttercup,
dont break my heart
Wednesday, October 15, 2003
no one has commented on my new song yet =) (remember i dont care if its mean i just like comments)
Tuesday, October 14, 2003
you think you have all these people to run to...you dont. they're either with their new boyfriend, won't listen, dont care, or busy. i just want someone to hold me, and tell me everything will be alright. thats all, i dont wanna talk out anything, i just want someone there.
what's my deal? who knows? you probably do, you understand me better than i do. you also might have a clue. and you think you know but you have no idea, sorry. anyway, i cant decide if im a bad person, if its possible to change the way i am, if someone will have to change me, or if i just am what i am.
i wrote a new song.
i wrote a new song.
Sunday, October 12, 2003
point
Saturday, October 11, 2003
i dont get this: hey youre cool when no one else is around, okay now im talking to someone else so you are a loser. it's retarded, either be friends with someone or don't.
Friday, October 10, 2003
daniel is so good in bed. i know, from experience. comments anyone?
Wednesday, October 08, 2003
moms crying becuase her favorite daughter is gone and shes left with a bunch of bad children
-well the niceness (if that is a word) has actually lasted a few days, congradufuckinglations.
-i talked to him, hes sooo cute.
-i reallly talked to him, hes pretty cool, hmmm.
-hung out with him once, but havent seen him
-he hasnt asked me yet, whats the deal?
-decided i cant do anything with him, what a shame.
-no hes cool, just as a friend
alright narrowed it down to 7 different boys =)
-i talked to him, hes sooo cute.
-i reallly talked to him, hes pretty cool, hmmm.
-hung out with him once, but havent seen him
-he hasnt asked me yet, whats the deal?
-decided i cant do anything with him, what a shame.
-no hes cool, just as a friend
alright narrowed it down to 7 different boys =)
Monday, October 06, 2003
you cannot go around and jokingly make fun of someone all the time, then decide to be nice to them once and expect sincerity back. i'm sorry thats just not how it works. i dont understand how some people can dish it out and not take it. like, dont tell me im mean and rude and a bitch when i raise my eyebrows at you when you wave at me. its like a trap, if i were to smile and wave back, you might say "you idiot, i hate you, i wasnt waving at you." and if i dont, im a bitch. i think you want something more in life, and you dont believe in yourself so you've given up on all. you cant expect everyone to give you what you want without working for it.
Saturday, October 04, 2003
Don't know why I'm still afraid
If you weren't real I would make you up
now
I wish that I could follow through
I know that your love is true
And deep
As the sea
But right now
Everything you want is wrong,
And right now
All your dreams are waking up,
And right now
I wish I could follow you
To the shores
Of freedom,
Where no one lives.
Remember when we first met
And everything was still a bet
In love's game
You would call; I'd call you back
And then I'd leave
A message
On your answering machine
But right now
Everything is turning blue,
And right now
The sun is trying to kill the moon,
And right now
I wish I could follow you
To the shores
Of freedom,
Where no one lives
Freedom
Run away tonight
Freedom, freedom
Run away
Run away tonight
We're made out of blood and rust
Looking for someone to trust
Without
A fight
I think that you came too soon
You're the honey and the moon
That lights
Up my night
But right now
Everything you want is wrong,
And right now
All your dreams are waking up,
And right now
I wish that I could follow you
To the shores
Of freedom
Where no one lives
Freedom
Run away tonight
Freedom freedom
Run away
Run away tonight
We got too much time to kill
Like pigeons on my windowsill
We hang around
Ever since I've been with you
You hold me up
All the time I've falling down
But right now
Everything is turning blue,
And right now
The sun is trying to kill the moon,
And right now
I wish I could follow you
To the shores
Of freedom
Where no one lives
...um i love that song, i have now been listening to it nonstop for three days
If you weren't real I would make you up
now
I wish that I could follow through
I know that your love is true
And deep
As the sea
But right now
Everything you want is wrong,
And right now
All your dreams are waking up,
And right now
I wish I could follow you
To the shores
Of freedom,
Where no one lives.
Remember when we first met
And everything was still a bet
In love's game
You would call; I'd call you back
And then I'd leave
A message
On your answering machine
But right now
Everything is turning blue,
And right now
The sun is trying to kill the moon,
And right now
I wish I could follow you
To the shores
Of freedom,
Where no one lives
Freedom
Run away tonight
Freedom, freedom
Run away
Run away tonight
We're made out of blood and rust
Looking for someone to trust
Without
A fight
I think that you came too soon
You're the honey and the moon
That lights
Up my night
But right now
Everything you want is wrong,
And right now
All your dreams are waking up,
And right now
I wish that I could follow you
To the shores
Of freedom
Where no one lives
Freedom
Run away tonight
Freedom freedom
Run away
Run away tonight
We got too much time to kill
Like pigeons on my windowsill
We hang around
Ever since I've been with you
You hold me up
All the time I've falling down
But right now
Everything is turning blue,
And right now
The sun is trying to kill the moon,
And right now
I wish I could follow you
To the shores
Of freedom
Where no one lives
...um i love that song, i have now been listening to it nonstop for three days
Thursday, October 02, 2003
update: i am now in the lead : 10-6. haha, sad but true. i hung out with daniel tonight, it was super fun. He makes me smile.
so i talked to "him" for the first time today, ever. i said, were you the one that did that? (something weird taht he did) and he said ha yeah that was me, and i said, ha cool, i salute you. wtf? i am the biggest loser of all time. luckily i think he only heard the "ha cool" part.
so homecoming's coming up. damn, i gotta get a dress, haha, actually i have to get a date first, hmm. aright well, better do my homework
so i talked to "him" for the first time today, ever. i said, were you the one that did that? (something weird taht he did) and he said ha yeah that was me, and i said, ha cool, i salute you. wtf? i am the biggest loser of all time. luckily i think he only heard the "ha cool" part.
so homecoming's coming up. damn, i gotta get a dress, haha, actually i have to get a date first, hmm. aright well, better do my homework
Sunday, September 28, 2003
I'm not torn, but now you are tearing me. It's not my fault. I've already decided, you can't do this now. What the hell? Who do you think you are to believe that you know how I feel, and that YOU know whats best for me. I know. I'm the only one who can choose. And I chose not to choose. It's called compromising.
Tuesday, September 23, 2003
wooooaaah why did this posting thing change? hmm oh well
anyway, i had a good weekend...i hung out with my friend from work and school Sarah for the first time and almost got into real big trouble, but did not. it was pretty cool. we hung out with some fun boys and didnt do anything exciting, but i like just sitting around talking. on the bad side, my rear view mirror fell off and i found out my sister lied to me. i was pretty mad. but then i went shopping and got the new John Mayer CD! yay, i love it. however, i mostly only listen to number one and two, but becuase i love them. i also accidently skipped church, but went to RE. Then met up with Katie and Daniel at starbucks to play them the JM cd! Feeling awkward can sometimes be funny...
Last night i was practicing my song and my mom told me it sounded bad, flat out. Daniel cheered me up though, and the try out today went... okay. HOwever, my nerves got to me and i cracked a few times. thats alright.
not 7 to 7. im in the lead 7- 6
anyway, i had a good weekend...i hung out with my friend from work and school Sarah for the first time and almost got into real big trouble, but did not. it was pretty cool. we hung out with some fun boys and didnt do anything exciting, but i like just sitting around talking. on the bad side, my rear view mirror fell off and i found out my sister lied to me. i was pretty mad. but then i went shopping and got the new John Mayer CD! yay, i love it. however, i mostly only listen to number one and two, but becuase i love them. i also accidently skipped church, but went to RE. Then met up with Katie and Daniel at starbucks to play them the JM cd! Feeling awkward can sometimes be funny...
Last night i was practicing my song and my mom told me it sounded bad, flat out. Daniel cheered me up though, and the try out today went... okay. HOwever, my nerves got to me and i cracked a few times. thats alright.
not 7 to 7. im in the lead 7- 6
