What is beautiful?

wow, today my little sister went running and i thought she left about 3:10, and she told me her route and it sounded like it would take 45 min tops, well i come home at 420 and shes still not home, and while i was driving i went down the street she said shed be on. so i was kind of getting nervous. I tell my mom and she starts flipping out, becuase last time my little sister went running she just listened to the problems of someone five years older than her, in that girls car, and then when my parents went looking, they saw them, and my sister and the girl started to drive away, my dad had to chase them. so anyway, my mom was flipping out saying how my lil sis was sneaky and probably meating someone she didnt know off the internet becuase she talks on it all the time. she kept repeating, how could you let her go running by herself? thats when it hit me, if for some reason, she was lost or kidnapped or dead, i was to be blamed. it scared me so much that i started freaking out. when we stopped at a place she might be, i used someones cell phone and called home a bunch of times but it was busy. my mom started yelling about how my little brother is always leaving the phone off the hook, but thats when i was sure that my little sister was safely home trying to call our cell phone (which was not charged so didnt work). as i suspected, we came home and she was there. All of us were crying, my sister just took a different route and was where i couldnt see. It may sound dumb right now, but i was so scared that if she were lost or kidnapped or dead, first of all i dotn know what i would do without her, but secondly i would have to live with guilt all of my life. So thats my weird story of the week.
Other than that, nothing exciting has happened. I'm slowly starting to realize i will never get the boy i like, and im actually okay with it. He would be a good, just regular, friend. I dont know I just think hes stuck on another girl, and i dont want to force anything. oh well, no seriously i dont really care.

I hate:
-that my dad is gone for two weeks
-that my voice teacher is moving in two weeks
-that i cannot show the last 25 entries (it keeps switching back to five)
-feeling not good enough
-the feeling of rejection
-feeling damn unpretty
-the feeling of almost getting kissed, and then not
-feeling that people dont want you around
-the feeling of my sunburn!

why is everything so confusing?
why do i feel like hitting my head against the wall?
what is wrong with me?
ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!