Friday, July 25, 2003
well im not allowed out of the house till i finish the scarlett letter, my damn summer assignment for english.
i hate feeling unwanted. my older sister must get that a lot from me and my younger sister becuase we are so much better friends. i try to even it out every once and a while. becuase i hate it. when im with some of my friends, sometimes i feel like im unworthy of hanging out with them, or that im supposed to think its a priveledge. Or when im talking to someone, saying something meaningful to me and they change the subject. i dont like those relationships with people. Were only friends to have fun, not to help each other. Or were only friends when everyone else is ditching them, or already busy. leah wanna hang out? sure. finally, everyone else is doing something. umm okay?
i hate feeling unwanted. my older sister must get that a lot from me and my younger sister becuase we are so much better friends. i try to even it out every once and a while. becuase i hate it. when im with some of my friends, sometimes i feel like im unworthy of hanging out with them, or that im supposed to think its a priveledge. Or when im talking to someone, saying something meaningful to me and they change the subject. i dont like those relationships with people. Were only friends to have fun, not to help each other. Or were only friends when everyone else is ditching them, or already busy. leah wanna hang out? sure. finally, everyone else is doing something. umm okay?
Monday, July 21, 2003
thats just the way it is
i was in san diego for a week. A few people and the weather made it fun, i was there for basketball though. my team sucked ass. last year, my role on the team was i got the ball and passed it to one of the good girls that scored. in San Diego, my coach was like LEAH drive, go take a shot! , im like ah no! but when i passed it, my teammates could not catch the ball! some of them, its like, whyyyyyy arrrreeee you wasting your money on a sport you cannot play. However, sometimes i felt like that, maybe its just becuase i had so much extra responsibility that i wasnt used to, but i was turning the ball over a hellalot (mostly their fault though, they didnt catch it! but my coach was like leah dont pass it to them) i would get soooo frusterated sometimes i even wanted to cry~! so ya know, i did okay overall, becuase i was dissapointed with myself, but man if you would have seen some of my teammates! sorry this is super rude of me but i highly doubt any of them read my journal and if they do i didnt say any names....
in san diego, i met a few boys by the name of mike and scott. i gave them my number on the freeway, haha. but they called and we talked throughout the trip. they did come to see us (me and lizzie and kari-practically my only friends-they were talking to them on my phone too) at the mall. i thought it was freckin retarded though, becuase we found out they were 19 and they knew our age, 15 and 16, and they went to a totally different mall and they were like we cannot find you, im like okay well then ill see you another time or something whatever, but then they find the mall that we arrrre at and are like okay you meet me here and im like NO, your comin to the food court so they do. so im already thinking, wow these guys must not have a life, seriously, if they are chasing after a 16 year old? wow. not too cool. but anyway we meet them and mike who was wayyy cuter than scott in the car turned out to be wayy less cute. so i was like soo umm scott what up. but then kari started talking to mike, and now i think shes a little obsessed. well not really. but they are talking a hellalot for people that will never see each other again, and who cannot start a relationship since he lives in reno, or something. anyway that was my crazy story from sandiego, even though there are more.
my two best friends were in sandiego at the same time as me, but they didnt come visit. im starting to think they like each other more than they like me. one of them took me to sandiego but it was raining the whole time and we met no boys. they were there in perfect weather and all of our other friends (boys)were there at the same time so they probably had wayy more fun and my one friend will remember she had more fun with the other girl and not me. is that selfish of me to think that way? I didnt even really think i was getting left out as much, until some other girl brought it up to me. becuase i was saying how it does kinda suck my two best friends are both gorgeous and wear perfect clothes and look perfect all the time and i dont. they make fun of my mismatching outfits, hair, etc. and this other girl was like ya and they are both alike like this, that really sucks for you. and i was like oh yeah, i guess so. and it got me thinking. but now im thinking that maybe im looking way to far into it. maybe thats just how our friendship works. maybe thats just the way it is, ya know? comments, please?
i was in san diego for a week. A few people and the weather made it fun, i was there for basketball though. my team sucked ass. last year, my role on the team was i got the ball and passed it to one of the good girls that scored. in San Diego, my coach was like LEAH drive, go take a shot! , im like ah no! but when i passed it, my teammates could not catch the ball! some of them, its like, whyyyyyy arrrreeee you wasting your money on a sport you cannot play. However, sometimes i felt like that, maybe its just becuase i had so much extra responsibility that i wasnt used to, but i was turning the ball over a hellalot (mostly their fault though, they didnt catch it! but my coach was like leah dont pass it to them) i would get soooo frusterated sometimes i even wanted to cry~! so ya know, i did okay overall, becuase i was dissapointed with myself, but man if you would have seen some of my teammates! sorry this is super rude of me but i highly doubt any of them read my journal and if they do i didnt say any names....
in san diego, i met a few boys by the name of mike and scott. i gave them my number on the freeway, haha. but they called and we talked throughout the trip. they did come to see us (me and lizzie and kari-practically my only friends-they were talking to them on my phone too) at the mall. i thought it was freckin retarded though, becuase we found out they were 19 and they knew our age, 15 and 16, and they went to a totally different mall and they were like we cannot find you, im like okay well then ill see you another time or something whatever, but then they find the mall that we arrrre at and are like okay you meet me here and im like NO, your comin to the food court so they do. so im already thinking, wow these guys must not have a life, seriously, if they are chasing after a 16 year old? wow. not too cool. but anyway we meet them and mike who was wayyy cuter than scott in the car turned out to be wayy less cute. so i was like soo umm scott what up. but then kari started talking to mike, and now i think shes a little obsessed. well not really. but they are talking a hellalot for people that will never see each other again, and who cannot start a relationship since he lives in reno, or something. anyway that was my crazy story from sandiego, even though there are more.
my two best friends were in sandiego at the same time as me, but they didnt come visit. im starting to think they like each other more than they like me. one of them took me to sandiego but it was raining the whole time and we met no boys. they were there in perfect weather and all of our other friends (boys)were there at the same time so they probably had wayy more fun and my one friend will remember she had more fun with the other girl and not me. is that selfish of me to think that way? I didnt even really think i was getting left out as much, until some other girl brought it up to me. becuase i was saying how it does kinda suck my two best friends are both gorgeous and wear perfect clothes and look perfect all the time and i dont. they make fun of my mismatching outfits, hair, etc. and this other girl was like ya and they are both alike like this, that really sucks for you. and i was like oh yeah, i guess so. and it got me thinking. but now im thinking that maybe im looking way to far into it. maybe thats just how our friendship works. maybe thats just the way it is, ya know? comments, please?
