Saturday, November 29, 2003
i dont think my parents understand how good they have it. i am not a bad kid, damnit. i just want to leave everything. i want to screammmmmm
Friday, November 28, 2003
on my way home, i drove out of the way for about ten minutes just thinking and listening to jack johnson. one time, i just want to take my chances and blow past a stop sign and see if i get hit. i almost did that tonight, if i would have, it would have been okay. i hate it when im careful about certain things just to find out i didnt need to be.
Thursday, November 27, 2003
thanksgiving is so mofo-ing awesome. i love food, especially the gravy, you dont even need the turkey. =)
i am thankful for: family, friends, music, life, food, and especially YOU (who's ever reading this)! =)
i am thankful for: family, friends, music, life, food, and especially YOU (who's ever reading this)! =)
Tuesday, November 25, 2003
I FEEL...weird
this is going to be hard to explain, becuase i've never really felt like this before.
today i didnt want to talk to anyone, and i didnt want anyone to talk to me. although my "wish" didnt exactly come true, i felt so alone all day. i felt like i was on another level than everyone else, not necessarily lower but definitely not higher. i felt ugly, but didnt really care. i felt used, but again didnt care. i felt lonely and not special to anyone. i sat by myself at lunch just thinking about how i didnt want to do anything. laziness is taking over and i just want to sleep and dream about good things happening to me. i wore the shoes i got from target in the seventh grade. that one girl made fun of me for wearing them my freshman year becuase her mom had them. i kind of like them, but wish i would have worn socks. and then i saw your car and it made me smile. i dont know why though. after school i made brownies for my spanish class, that i HATE (esp the teacher). and now i am off to basketball, which i hate. "beautiful" by christina aguilera brings back happy memories from unitown that make me want to cry.
i feel like im going to collapse. i have no control of my legs. i stood in the same spot in my room for five minutes without moving, without even wiping the tear off of my cheek. what is wrong with me? i want you, whoever you are, to take me away. we won our game.
this is going to be hard to explain, becuase i've never really felt like this before.
today i didnt want to talk to anyone, and i didnt want anyone to talk to me. although my "wish" didnt exactly come true, i felt so alone all day. i felt like i was on another level than everyone else, not necessarily lower but definitely not higher. i felt ugly, but didnt really care. i felt used, but again didnt care. i felt lonely and not special to anyone. i sat by myself at lunch just thinking about how i didnt want to do anything. laziness is taking over and i just want to sleep and dream about good things happening to me. i wore the shoes i got from target in the seventh grade. that one girl made fun of me for wearing them my freshman year becuase her mom had them. i kind of like them, but wish i would have worn socks. and then i saw your car and it made me smile. i dont know why though. after school i made brownies for my spanish class, that i HATE (esp the teacher). and now i am off to basketball, which i hate. "beautiful" by christina aguilera brings back happy memories from unitown that make me want to cry.
i feel like im going to collapse. i have no control of my legs. i stood in the same spot in my room for five minutes without moving, without even wiping the tear off of my cheek. what is wrong with me? i want you, whoever you are, to take me away. we won our game.
Sunday, November 23, 2003
note: nov 22 was yesterday (saturday), so when i said last night in my last entry i meant friday.
Last night was fun shopping and eating with chas and felicia! except i bought a shirt for me and i intended on buying them both birthday gifts. they never found anything they wanted though! felicia, i know you read this, so um, girl, if you find anything you want, i will buy it, geez la weez. =)
when things suck, and everything seems to be going wrong, my dad always says "this too, will pass." Life is getting a little better. i was sick the past few days, but now i just have a cough. i think becuase i'm catching up in all my classes and my boy problems are at a minimum and im getting along with my friends, im just in a better mood. im trying not to worry about the minor things, and basically nothing is serious enough in my life to be major. im going to try to be happy-go-lucky and shrug off things and not take things personally. hopefully this phase will last awhile. or a while. is that how you spell while? awhile? its one word right? i hate when you look at words for too long and it freaks you out that youre spelling them wrong.
Last night was fun shopping and eating with chas and felicia! except i bought a shirt for me and i intended on buying them both birthday gifts. they never found anything they wanted though! felicia, i know you read this, so um, girl, if you find anything you want, i will buy it, geez la weez. =)
when things suck, and everything seems to be going wrong, my dad always says "this too, will pass." Life is getting a little better. i was sick the past few days, but now i just have a cough. i think becuase i'm catching up in all my classes and my boy problems are at a minimum and im getting along with my friends, im just in a better mood. im trying not to worry about the minor things, and basically nothing is serious enough in my life to be major. im going to try to be happy-go-lucky and shrug off things and not take things personally. hopefully this phase will last awhile. or a while. is that how you spell while? awhile? its one word right? i hate when you look at words for too long and it freaks you out that youre spelling them wrong.
