Tuesday, November 25, 2003
I FEEL...weird
this is going to be hard to explain, becuase i've never really felt like this before.
today i didnt want to talk to anyone, and i didnt want anyone to talk to me. although my "wish" didnt exactly come true, i felt so alone all day. i felt like i was on another level than everyone else, not necessarily lower but definitely not higher. i felt ugly, but didnt really care. i felt used, but again didnt care. i felt lonely and not special to anyone. i sat by myself at lunch just thinking about how i didnt want to do anything. laziness is taking over and i just want to sleep and dream about good things happening to me. i wore the shoes i got from target in the seventh grade. that one girl made fun of me for wearing them my freshman year becuase her mom had them. i kind of like them, but wish i would have worn socks. and then i saw your car and it made me smile. i dont know why though. after school i made brownies for my spanish class, that i HATE (esp the teacher). and now i am off to basketball, which i hate. "beautiful" by christina aguilera brings back happy memories from unitown that make me want to cry.
i feel like im going to collapse. i have no control of my legs. i stood in the same spot in my room for five minutes without moving, without even wiping the tear off of my cheek. what is wrong with me? i want you, whoever you are, to take me away. we won our game.
this is going to be hard to explain, becuase i've never really felt like this before.
today i didnt want to talk to anyone, and i didnt want anyone to talk to me. although my "wish" didnt exactly come true, i felt so alone all day. i felt like i was on another level than everyone else, not necessarily lower but definitely not higher. i felt ugly, but didnt really care. i felt used, but again didnt care. i felt lonely and not special to anyone. i sat by myself at lunch just thinking about how i didnt want to do anything. laziness is taking over and i just want to sleep and dream about good things happening to me. i wore the shoes i got from target in the seventh grade. that one girl made fun of me for wearing them my freshman year becuase her mom had them. i kind of like them, but wish i would have worn socks. and then i saw your car and it made me smile. i dont know why though. after school i made brownies for my spanish class, that i HATE (esp the teacher). and now i am off to basketball, which i hate. "beautiful" by christina aguilera brings back happy memories from unitown that make me want to cry.
i feel like im going to collapse. i have no control of my legs. i stood in the same spot in my room for five minutes without moving, without even wiping the tear off of my cheek. what is wrong with me? i want you, whoever you are, to take me away. we won our game.
