Saturday, May 10, 2003
IM FEELING CONFUSED
i dont know what the hell is going on. ESPECIALLY with boys. AH! im sure i drive them nuts (as in annoyed because im so confused) along with myself! i just dont know what to do. Im already getting bored of the cute boy, for some unknown reason, and having fun with two other guys right now(as in just talking)! im sorry! i dont know what to do. maybe im just a flirt. maybe im just bad at this stuff in general. maybe im just not a good person. i know for sure though, that i am confused, frusterated, uncertain, etc, etc, etc
i dont know what the hell is going on. ESPECIALLY with boys. AH! im sure i drive them nuts (as in annoyed because im so confused) along with myself! i just dont know what to do. Im already getting bored of the cute boy, for some unknown reason, and having fun with two other guys right now(as in just talking)! im sorry! i dont know what to do. maybe im just a flirt. maybe im just bad at this stuff in general. maybe im just not a good person. i know for sure though, that i am confused, frusterated, uncertain, etc, etc, etc
Thursday, May 08, 2003
the one thing i cannot stand today, my mom, oh wait that is everyday. Today she was critiquing my singing, and im like hello you dont know what you are talking about! I mean, I'm not perfect of course, no where near, but when i practice my songs that my voice teacher instructs me to do and then my mom says i sound bad im like okay well you frickin suck so i dont think you would know. If my dad were to say something, i would listen, but my mom is just dumb and doesnt know what shes talking about. She also says after cyd, my teacher, moves, (shes moving this summer) i wont be taking lessons anymore unless its convenient. AHHH singing is what i love, and if she takes that away, i will run away to where my teacher is moving to!
Wednesday, May 07, 2003
please start at the bottom so you can understand what im talking about, please, i dont know if i like how this is set up because like youll read whats going on and not know what has happened before, so start at the bottom, thanks
k update now, last weekend on friday i went to the avril lavigne / simple plan/ gob concert it was super fun! i felt bad for felicia and chasity, i got a kiss from the hot boys from simple plan, the sad part is, they like them more than me, i think thats why i had the bravery to do it! =) then on saturday, i had a volleyball tournament allllll day, i saw this girl im very competitive with and she was wayyyy better than me, i was pissed, but i got over it. my team ended up 6th out of like 64th, if we played like we did in the morning we could have gotten probably 3rd. and then after my tournament i hung out with the really cute boy AGAIN! we didnt kiss or anything though, but the next day we both admitted that we wanted to. hes sooo cute. however, i cannot stop thinking about the boy with a girlfriend that i flirt with alllll the time!!! its soooo annoying, im like hello i have a hellacute boy already, ya know? and he has a girlfriend! damn im bad with this stuff.
two days ago (obviously talking about the other website)
sick and tired of:
of my mother, geez la frickin weez she's annoying
of this damn website, this probably won't save
of lazy people
of being so unhealthy (eating too much)
of being tired
of homework
of school in general
of sitting around waiting for something good
of the same old people
of feeling not good enough
of my face
of complaining and knowing its my own fault
of feeling sick and tired of these things
sick and tired of:
of my mother, geez la frickin weez she's annoying
of this damn website, this probably won't save
of lazy people
of being so unhealthy (eating too much)
of being tired
of homework
of school in general
of sitting around waiting for something good
of the same old people
of feeling not good enough
of my face
of complaining and knowing its my own fault
of feeling sick and tired of these things
i WANTED to post this the monday before last: (thats why i switched) its an update on the boys kinda:
Well, overall i had a pretty good weekend.
I know some of you must be pretty confused at all the boys i mention but i hope you get it. Right now, there are just three. The one that i like, the one that likes me, and the one who is just so fun to flirt with.
So, the good part of the weekend is when i got a kiss by the one i like on friday! hes sooo cute. but i told him not to let his ex know becuase she already frickin hates me. Oh well, cuz everyone knows now. And i think she already hated me. So anyway, i told the one who likes, or now use to like, and now hates me, about friday. He got sooo mad, and said that i led him on and derderder. Well i didn't! I mean i will admit, i wanted to kiss him sometimes becuase he was really sweet, but, if i did, i KNOW he'd want a commitment. I'm just not ready for that. With the guy I like, its just kinda like more simple. I didnt know his ex, and i knew the other guys ex (they dated for like 3 and a half years, i think thats a little worse come on). so anyway, he made me feel pretty bad about it, when i can't help how i feel, ya know? So that was what was bad about the weekend. But then i went and babysat for two easy girls and made $10 an hour. It was awesome.
Then at school today i talked to the boy that i always flirt with. His girlfriend came into my work on saturday, that was pretty awkward. But anyway, today at school, he said he wanted to hang out over the weekend, but i didn't talk to him after school, i felt bad but i had to get home right away. And so i said i would talk to him today, but then i didn't again. woops. Anyway, i'm still mad at that one guy, and still talking to that cute boy were supposed to hang out again this weekend, and still having fun with the other one. =)
Well, overall i had a pretty good weekend.
I know some of you must be pretty confused at all the boys i mention but i hope you get it. Right now, there are just three. The one that i like, the one that likes me, and the one who is just so fun to flirt with.
So, the good part of the weekend is when i got a kiss by the one i like on friday! hes sooo cute. but i told him not to let his ex know becuase she already frickin hates me. Oh well, cuz everyone knows now. And i think she already hated me. So anyway, i told the one who likes, or now use to like, and now hates me, about friday. He got sooo mad, and said that i led him on and derderder. Well i didn't! I mean i will admit, i wanted to kiss him sometimes becuase he was really sweet, but, if i did, i KNOW he'd want a commitment. I'm just not ready for that. With the guy I like, its just kinda like more simple. I didnt know his ex, and i knew the other guys ex (they dated for like 3 and a half years, i think thats a little worse come on). so anyway, he made me feel pretty bad about it, when i can't help how i feel, ya know? So that was what was bad about the weekend. But then i went and babysat for two easy girls and made $10 an hour. It was awesome.
Then at school today i talked to the boy that i always flirt with. His girlfriend came into my work on saturday, that was pretty awkward. But anyway, today at school, he said he wanted to hang out over the weekend, but i didn't talk to him after school, i felt bad but i had to get home right away. And so i said i would talk to him today, but then i didn't again. woops. Anyway, i'm still mad at that one guy, and still talking to that cute boy were supposed to hang out again this weekend, and still having fun with the other one. =)
i wrote this 4/25:
boys boys boys
what is my problem? right now im going for this boy who is sooo cute but just broke up with his girlfriend, of a year or so. anyways today when we talked (normally he gives me a hug) but instead he said "c ya later man" and gave me this punch kinda thing. If that's not saying Im not interested, i don't know what is. Also lately I've been flirting a lot with a boy who has a girlfriend. I'm not even that attracted to him. He just cracks me up. I think he's almost as big of a flirt as I am.and he flirts with this girl i dont like and im like hello im cooler, (isnt that rude of me) i don't know we are just friends and all but i get PISSED. ha, anyway, also lately ive been talking to this guy who just broke up with his gf of like THREE years. he seemed really interested but i just could never do that to her, and i just dont like him like that.
can you say, i am the REBOUND GIRL>??? i think so. its kinda sad. actually really sad. kinda dumb too. i'm such a weirdo when it comes to guys, i never get what i want, or i want something really bad and then i get it and i'm like eh nevermind. as my friend kati says: we like the chase but not the catch. =)
boys boys boys
what is my problem? right now im going for this boy who is sooo cute but just broke up with his girlfriend, of a year or so. anyways today when we talked (normally he gives me a hug) but instead he said "c ya later man" and gave me this punch kinda thing. If that's not saying Im not interested, i don't know what is. Also lately I've been flirting a lot with a boy who has a girlfriend. I'm not even that attracted to him. He just cracks me up. I think he's almost as big of a flirt as I am.and he flirts with this girl i dont like and im like hello im cooler, (isnt that rude of me) i don't know we are just friends and all but i get PISSED. ha, anyway, also lately ive been talking to this guy who just broke up with his gf of like THREE years. he seemed really interested but i just could never do that to her, and i just dont like him like that.
can you say, i am the REBOUND GIRL>??? i think so. its kinda sad. actually really sad. kinda dumb too. i'm such a weirdo when it comes to guys, i never get what i want, or i want something really bad and then i get it and i'm like eh nevermind. as my friend kati says: we like the chase but not the catch. =)
i wrote this 4/24/03:
"i've been in a really weird mood for the past week. Even before the joel thing, i've been kind of short with everyone. Little things that normally wouldn't bother me, I'm getting pissed off at. this girl on my volleyball team, i have to see her tonight, is so F-ing annoying. Like I feel horrible saying it, becuase the reason why she is, is becuase she's overly nice. And you may think, wow that is mean of you, but trust me, i mean OVERLY. If I walk by her and like barely brush her shes like "oh, excuse me" im like WHAT! or in the middle of a game shell be like "excuse me" when we go up to block. im like Who Cares! sometimes i try to tell her im like hey if im in your way just push me out of the way or tell me and shes like haha okay. and then i purposely ran into her and she said excuse me! im like AHHH! then one time someone was coughing and she said over her shoulder, "are you okay whoever is coughing back there?" i mean, come on, is that necessary? I hope whoever reads this doesn't think horribly of me but seriously, if i dont say "hi" in the correct pitch she'll ask me whats wrong. anyway other than that, in school when people say dumb things, im like WHAT? and they annoy me so much. and it's so rude of me becuase i say dumb things all the time. then in sixth hour this girl gives me the dirtiest looks for no reason and thinks shes hot stuff and then ten seconds later will be nice to me, i dont get that one. By last hour i just feel like im in hell and then there's that one girl who makes me bite my lip every time she talks. AH! i feel bad, she's a pretty nice person too. yikes. oh well.
Anyway, you see my point. Most of the time, I'm not like this, just lately everything has been irritating.
But actually today was good. It might change after volleyball tonight though...=)"
"i've been in a really weird mood for the past week. Even before the joel thing, i've been kind of short with everyone. Little things that normally wouldn't bother me, I'm getting pissed off at. this girl on my volleyball team, i have to see her tonight, is so F-ing annoying. Like I feel horrible saying it, becuase the reason why she is, is becuase she's overly nice. And you may think, wow that is mean of you, but trust me, i mean OVERLY. If I walk by her and like barely brush her shes like "oh, excuse me" im like WHAT! or in the middle of a game shell be like "excuse me" when we go up to block. im like Who Cares! sometimes i try to tell her im like hey if im in your way just push me out of the way or tell me and shes like haha okay. and then i purposely ran into her and she said excuse me! im like AHHH! then one time someone was coughing and she said over her shoulder, "are you okay whoever is coughing back there?" i mean, come on, is that necessary? I hope whoever reads this doesn't think horribly of me but seriously, if i dont say "hi" in the correct pitch she'll ask me whats wrong. anyway other than that, in school when people say dumb things, im like WHAT? and they annoy me so much. and it's so rude of me becuase i say dumb things all the time. then in sixth hour this girl gives me the dirtiest looks for no reason and thinks shes hot stuff and then ten seconds later will be nice to me, i dont get that one. By last hour i just feel like im in hell and then there's that one girl who makes me bite my lip every time she talks. AH! i feel bad, she's a pretty nice person too. yikes. oh well.
Anyway, you see my point. Most of the time, I'm not like this, just lately everything has been irritating.
But actually today was good. It might change after volleyball tonight though...=)"
i wrote this 4/21/03:
this is a song i wrote for joel, who died in a drive-by shooting,
joel-
i didn't even know you
but i still miss seeing your face
i've never even talked to you before
but im not sure
why it had to happen to you, to you
no there was no reason
no he had no reason
you didnt deserve this
why'd he have to do that
i don't understand
i wish you could come back
and change what happened that night, that night
no one could explain
and no one should go through this pain
you were so innocent
and the sky was gray today
but i could still feel your presence
the cold wind hit my face
like a touch of innocence
thank god my mom said i couldn't go
thank god the other lives were saved oh
oh god i wish that i had known, joel
i missed out
i didnt even know him
but i still miss seein his face
i've never even talked to him before
but i am sure
hes in a much better place, better place
(oh)
he touched so many lives
i wish i, knew how
i missed out, i missed out, i missed out.
this is a song i wrote for joel, who died in a drive-by shooting,
joel-
i didn't even know you
but i still miss seeing your face
i've never even talked to you before
but im not sure
why it had to happen to you, to you
no there was no reason
no he had no reason
you didnt deserve this
why'd he have to do that
i don't understand
i wish you could come back
and change what happened that night, that night
no one could explain
and no one should go through this pain
you were so innocent
and the sky was gray today
but i could still feel your presence
the cold wind hit my face
like a touch of innocence
thank god my mom said i couldn't go
thank god the other lives were saved oh
oh god i wish that i had known, joel
i missed out
i didnt even know him
but i still miss seein his face
i've never even talked to him before
but i am sure
hes in a much better place, better place
(oh)
he touched so many lives
i wish i, knew how
i missed out, i missed out, i missed out.
i actually wrote this 4/23, i switched from freeopendiary so im just gonna paste all my entries if thats okay, okay thanks
"well this is my first entry. i figure i might as well tell anyone who is going to read this now: dont mind my spelling/grammer/capitalization, etc. Thanks.
So anyway, i live with my mom, dad, older sister (senior), younger sister (8th grader), and younger bro
(like 10, 11? who knows). i love my dad more than anything. my mom...is a bitch, but ya know shes okay sometimes. my older sister is a talented dancer, and an extremely nice and religious girl. shes my mom's favorite, she knows it too. She's "perfect." my lil sis is cool, i think we relate better becuase we both sing, play soccer, volleyball, and basketball (and we both cannot dance!). shes pretty funny too. My little brother- i dont know about that kid, he cries when i take the remote- im like you CANNOT be a crybaby! he's also in the annoying little brother category, but, i've seen worse.
Me: i like to have fun. I think that basically sums up my personality . I'm a flirt with all the guys just becuase i think its fun! i dont even mean to, i just have fun with them.(that does end up getting me in trouble though but oh well) With my friends, we dont really care what anyone thinks of us. I'm sure some people think we're dumb or annoying, but we dont really care and we just laugh at random things and have fun. Also, im pretty well rounded, i play guitar, sing, and i like sports and still play volleyball and basketball. I see that as kind of making up for the braces. =)Anyway, i'm sure if anyone continues reading this they'll learn things about me they didn't know. (either i can be a real bitch, or for the other people, i can be nice)
have fun. peace out."
"well this is my first entry. i figure i might as well tell anyone who is going to read this now: dont mind my spelling/grammer/capitalization, etc. Thanks.
So anyway, i live with my mom, dad, older sister (senior), younger sister (8th grader), and younger bro
(like 10, 11? who knows). i love my dad more than anything. my mom...is a bitch, but ya know shes okay sometimes. my older sister is a talented dancer, and an extremely nice and religious girl. shes my mom's favorite, she knows it too. She's "perfect." my lil sis is cool, i think we relate better becuase we both sing, play soccer, volleyball, and basketball (and we both cannot dance!). shes pretty funny too. My little brother- i dont know about that kid, he cries when i take the remote- im like you CANNOT be a crybaby! he's also in the annoying little brother category, but, i've seen worse.
Me: i like to have fun. I think that basically sums up my personality . I'm a flirt with all the guys just becuase i think its fun! i dont even mean to, i just have fun with them.(that does end up getting me in trouble though but oh well) With my friends, we dont really care what anyone thinks of us. I'm sure some people think we're dumb or annoying, but we dont really care and we just laugh at random things and have fun. Also, im pretty well rounded, i play guitar, sing, and i like sports and still play volleyball and basketball. I see that as kind of making up for the braces. =)Anyway, i'm sure if anyone continues reading this they'll learn things about me they didn't know. (either i can be a real bitch, or for the other people, i can be nice)
have fun. peace out."
hi this is my first entry! thank you daniel!
